A Walk in the Forest
Dad
He was 11 years old when life changed for him. it is amazing how one thing can change your life, turn things completely around and determine your future and the paths you will take. one little thing that actually is quite huge in the grand scheme of things. he woke up on a regular school day, ate the same breakfast, had the same greetings with his mom and siblings and took off for school. he met up with his friends and talked a little bit about his girlfriend, school and sports. school started off normal and boring as always. private catholic school that he attended was so boring and he hated going, the nuns were mean and he thought the service time was pure torture. when it was time for gym class, he was so excited. finally, he could do something fun! his teacher had a rope hanging from the ceiling, and today was the day that they got to show how easy it is to climb to the top. it looks easy anyway! it cannot be that hard to climb up! when it finally came to his turn, he walked up to the rope, grabbed hold with this hands high above his head, jumped up and grabbed the rope with this ankles and started to climb. he kind of looked like an inchworm, climbing up the rope. one hand reaching up after the other and he quickly let go with this ankles and yanked them higher up the rope. this was easy at first, but as he continued to climb, his heart rate picked up, the rope started hurting his hands and his shoulders started to ache. this was more painful than he thought it would be, but he kept going. he kept climbing. just a little more and he would reach the top! his cousin was on the rope next to him and was also about to reach the top. he had to beat him! just a few more feet! and all of a sudden, he felt a sharp, stabbing loud pain in his head! oh my!! this pain is unbearable! and then, he’s falling to the matted floor at the bottom of the rope. the pain!!
he woke up a few days later in his bed, feeling much better, and so disappointed because he had to stay home another day. he had a blood vessel burst in his head and they wanted him to rest. there was not much they could do for him. in the early 1960s, they were just starting to make some real progress in surgeries, but he was not going to be having any surgery any time soon. no, he had some pain meds and he would be going back to school soon enough. his classmates came by to check on him, and his girlfriend! he loved mary beth so much! she was the most beautiful girl in the whole world and she was HIS girlfriend! a few days later, they let him go back to school, but he was not allowed to participate in any more physical activities. what he had in his brain was not going away and the bursting could happen again and kill him next time. he had to be extra careful. at some point, once the kids forgot all about his falling from the rope, they would start to tease him and accuse him of being gay for not playing sports. he’s not gay!!! his dad would never stand for that anyway. his dad was a MAN and he was going to be a Man, too!!his dad built houses and sailboats, smoked and drank and was full of class. he would eventually do all the same things to some degree, except he would not build sailboats. he would sail a boat, though, because real men went out on the water and fought the waves and wind. and its fun. real men worked with their hands and built things, real men smoked and drank. by age 12, he would be smoking with his cousin and by 15 he would be drinking beer. real men drank beer. what else is there to do anyway when you live in the north but drink? its warming to your bones!!
he did not like to hang out at home. is older sister was doing her own thing. his older brother was too cool to hang out with him and he did not want to play with the little sister. he would walk down to his cousin’s house and hang out there. his aunt was really cool, too. she would let them smoke and drink there, so he always hung out there. his aunt was always there to listen to him, too, and give him support that he appreciated. she did not have the “gross pointe snobbery” that his mom had. no, his aunt was very sweet and cool, down to earth. his mom was the complete and total opposite. his parents were all about the image and made sure that their children exemplified what society expected to see. the well dressed and groomed and good behaving children. he was good at these things. he liked to present himself as classy and manly, because this helped him look like a MAN that was not gay. but at the same time, he liked kicking back, shirtless and barefoot, with a cigarette in his hand and a nice cold beer. he liked to hang out with his cousin and friends and chat about philosophical things, throw frisbees and play monopoly. he was the king of monopoly!
nobody could beat the king of monopoly! there is a certain way to play with him, and it is not found in the book of instructions. when you play with him, all the property is handed out in the beginning based on the throw of the dice. then you start off with the ability to borrow from the bank up to $20k. you can put unlimited numbers of hotels on your property, and you never buy houses. this is a city! not a suburb. hotels rule the roost, they bring in the big bucks and houses are just a waste of time. if you borrow from the bank, the money collected after passing GO goes straight to the loan. if you borrow, the bank also charges 10% interest at the time of withdrawal. this game goes on for hours and has caused many tears! he loved this game! and loved to win!!
there came a time, when the parents decided they needed a change. they needed a different scene and new opportunities. he was seventeen years old when his whole family packed up and moved to Georgia, the land of the south where people ate weird stuff and had strange accents. the land of hicks and rednecks and Georgia peaches(the female, not the fruit). there was sufficient growth happening and his dad had a great opportunity to build houses. they moved to marietta, georgia, a little suburb north of Atlanta. everyone came, except his oldest sister and brother. she decided to head west on a road trip instead and never made it to georgia. she decided to go back north, to where they were from, and take root there. his brother would move down later on.
Georgia was not too bad. it was hot and the trees were ugly and boring. he hated the pine trees. they had no character. when winter came, they stayed the same. it was not like up north where you had a mixture of maples and other hardwoods, the trees that turned vibrant colors in the fall. in georgia, there were pine needles everywhere. yes, there were other trees and the leaves still fell, they just were not as pretty. he took great pleasure in raking those leaves and burning them to the ground. he worked with his dad a bit on the houses and decided to go to drafting school. he really enjoyed working with his hands. there is something very macho about building and working with the hands, outdoors. his dad did it, and so would he. he would learn how to design and how to build so he could create and build beautiful homes like his dad.
one day, he met his georgia peach. she lived in his neighborhood, right across the street from them. his two little sisters had met her outside. he saw her from the window and decided to go out and see what was going on. she was lovely! she had the most beautiful blue eyes, long brown hair, a sweet dimple in her cheek when she smiled, and HUGE breasts!! she was perfect, and she liked him back. who would not like this guy anyway? he was a MAN! she’s not the first girl he ever loved. mary beth was the first, but she was not here. his peach was here, and she was IN TO HIM! oh yes she was!! one afternoon, she invited him over to her house while her parents were gone to see a movie. she invited him into her room and they started getting busy. unfortunately, the parents were just too clever and knew to come home early, or they were wrong about the movie time. either way, they came home way earlier than expected and walked in the house before he could put all of his clothes back on. they were caught!! he took off and left his peach to deal with the thunder. what happened next was something he never expected. he thought he had some time before life started changing so fast, but with her getting caught and feeling like she had the scarlet letter written on her forehead every time she was around her parents, they decided they needed to get married! she was 17 and he was 19. you would have thought she was pregnant, but she was not. its just, at this time in society, having sex before marriage was a huge no no, and she had utterly disappointed her parents. her parents might have preferred that she not get married, but she was determined to get out of the house. and this guy was going to make it happen.
so they got married on a fall day in her parents home. she wore a pretty blue dress and felt very happy with her decision. she loved him and he loved her and they were going to be together forever. he was happy, too, but being a Man just became real. he was the man, her man, the man. the man responsible for taking care of her. he had to support her, and she was still in high school. they had to figure out how to take care of themselves now that they were married and on their own.
together, they bought a house. she finished her last year of high school and started taking college classes at a local technical school. he took some drafting classes and they both worked to pay the bills. after a couple of years, they had a little boy, a very cute little boy, in March of 1977. life was not so bad. they were living the average american life, struggling a little to do it, but they were making it. the only problem, is that he kept having the headaches and seizures. beer was good, but it was not helping him with his pain. his head hurt, he was still having random seizures even with the meds. he had to go get this checked out. he was going crazy! every time, right before the seizure would come on, he could hear the devil and his girlfriend talking in his head, laughing at him. he did not want to hear the devil anymore. he had to find a way to stop the devil and his girlfriend from coming after him, so he went to the doctor to have them take a look and it turned out, he had an aneurism in the left side of his brain, just above the ear. the doctor told him he was a walking time bomb! they went to Emory to see a surgeon there. they were still perfecting the process, but the doctor they met with was willing to go in and give it a try. they could get in there and clamp the vessels to prevent them from bursting and bleeding. there was a 50% chance that he would survive it. those were not very good odds. what if something happened to him? at this point, he was risking injury or death, so he had to do something. there was at least a good chance that he would survive the surgery. the decision was made to go ahead with it.
surgery was to be conducted at the best hospital with the best surgeons. brain surgery was still very new and they were going to be learning from him. there was something about that that he really liked and felt proud about. future students would be learning from his case. when the day finally came, he kissed his peach and his son, looked at them with loving eyes and told them he loved them. his mom and his brother was there to see him when he got out of surgery.
you know how surgery goes. you fall asleep and then wake up almost immediately and the whole thing is over. same thing happened for him. the problem is when he woke up, he had several horrible things to face all at once. first of all, he could not see! well, he could, but only partially. as his eyes adjusted, he realized that the right half of each of his eye was blacked out. why?! is this going to go away? is this temporary? how can i live like this? when he looked around, he was able to find his wife and his mom waiting for him to wake up. his wife was sitting on the chair next to him, and his mom was standing by the window. she came up to the bed and soon as she realized that his eyes were opening. he tried to say something about his eyes, but he could not get any words out. he was struggling to tell his voice to speak. when he finally croaked something out, nobody could understand what he was saying. instead of saying “my eyes”, he said “the road”. why could not he say what he wanted to say??!! this was so frustrating! and scary! what if he will not be able to ever speak again? or see again? he was 22 years old and should have a long life to live, especially now that he survived this surgery. what did they do to him? they were supposed to fix his brain, not mess it all up! this was a mistake! how is he supposed to live? how is he supposed to take care of his family like this? how can he keep going to school and working when he cannot even see or speak? he started moving his arms and legs to see if they worked. good Lord, what if they did not work either? he would die! what is the point in living if you can not function as a man???? okay, good. they all work. at least he had that. he could still use his hands. “my eyes” he said. the doctor came in. “my eyes” he said again. the doctor checked it out. from the outside all looked fine other than the bandage on his head. the doctor informed him that he may have some side effects from the surgery. there was a large area that was worked on and some portions were removed. looks like one of the optic nerves were cut, which is why he has the vision loss. from the outside, his eyes looked normal. nobody will know that he was partially blind, which will cause a lot of frustration and embarrassment for him in the future as it will also cause a lot of pain for him as he walks into walls that he cannot see.
his mom brought him a carton of cigarettes. his wife had some health issues of her own come up during the surgery. her thyroid is shutting down. she hass been very sluggish. she will also need to see a doctor about it, have some tests done and eventually be given some medications to do the job her thyroid can no longer do. is there anything else that can go wrong?
the next couple of weeks, he spent going to speech therapy at the hospital to learn how to talk again. he finally was able to go home just in time for his son’s first birthday. his peach had to put up notes all over the house to label the different items (window, door, chair, etc…) so he would work on finding and saying the words. he could not find the words, but he could find the beer, and the beer was his new best friend. he no longer felt right in the head. the new seizure medications made him feel strange, but the beer helped the strangenness to go away. beer also made him not so nice. he and his peach started to fight a little more, but of course had to make up in the bedroom. this eventually led to her getting pregnant with a second child. they were going to have a little girl!
in the fall of 79, she was born. her dad was there for a very short time to see her in the hospital because he had to take off with his dad. they were heading north with some cars they were going to sell. his peach was not very appreciative that he left so soon after she was born. he felt he had to do what he could to be the Man of the house and pay the bills. things had gotten harder. he could no longer deliver newspapers for the marietta journal because he could not see well, which made it so much harder to read. he no longer was in drafting school. she was no longer taking classes at the technical school. he was so disappointed about that, too, because she was so smart and was making really good grades in her classes. he was working with his dad on houses, grabbing some construction jobs when he could. so he left with his dad to the north to sell some cars. it was not a pleasant trip. his dad was never pleasant. his dad was an ass, which is how he learned to be an ass. on the way back, they got into a fight. sometimes, the truth hurts and we dont like to hear the truth. this was one of those times. his dad gave him the truth, and he did not like the truth, so he hit his dad. it is a miracle they made it back, but they did. and then, they did not speak to each other for some time.
the little boy and the little girl continued to grow while their parents continued to argue. he was always getting drunk, and she was getting tired of the fights and the mean drunkenness. one day, she decided to leave. she told him she was taking the kids to live with her mom for a while. he was so crazed by the idea that he told her that he would slit his wrists. she was so mad, that she told him “good!” and showed him which direction to cut. she turned around and grabbed the children and went to her mother’s house. after the scarlett letter incident, taking her self back to her parent’s was a big deal. it was the last thing she wanted to do, but she could not handle being in the house with him anymore. she was exhausted from the therapy, her thyroid issue, raising two children and the alcohol mixed with the mess. she needed a break. she just could not do it anymore. he was exhausting and mean. he would not stop reminding her had bad it was for him, that he had had brain surgery for peet’s sake! as if she did not know! she was so tired. she could not do it anymore. she could not handle everything on her own. why did he have to be such an ass all the time? she knew he would not kill himself, he was just being dramatic. he had to show her how he felt and did not have the words to express himself.
he was crushed!! his children were gone. his wife was gone. he failed. he failed to be a man. how in the world is he going to face his dad? how can he face the world without his family? nobody understood what he was dealing with. the seizures were so painful and scary and exhausting. the medications made him feel so crazy. he could not see. he could not speak. well, he could speak, but it was a struggle to find the right words. his family was tired of hearing about his problem. they did not understand. he could not make anybody understand. his hair had grown out, so nobody could tell from the outside that he had problems. he looked and seemed normal for the most part. they forget! they say, “hey, look at this!” and they stand on his right side! the people closest to him, the ones who should know and remember, they forget!! it is like a joke to them, or not real. they act like they do not believe him. if they did, they would remember. and then he would not have to continue to tell people, over and over again, that he CANT SEE! his wife is tired of helping him, she does not love him anymore. she has moved out and taken his precious kids, and there is nothing he can do about it.
his wife divorced him. the judge said he can have his children every other weekend, every 12 days he can pick his kids up and spend 48 hours with them and then wait another 12 days to pick them up again. 12 days. do you know how much changes in a baby’s life in 12 days? how much changes in a toddler’s life in 12 days? he gets 52 out of 365 days to watch his children grow. he didnt do anything wrong, but he now has to wait 12 days to see his children. his little girl is still so little, just barely a year old. his son, he has reached that awesome age between three and four years old when kids start to really talk and try to be independent. its the best age ever, and he is just the greatest kid. this breaks his heart. their house had all of these great paintings that he painted for his son. the mouse character from cinderella, painted about 4 feet tall on his bedroom wall, was his favorite, and his son loved it, too.
he was going to need a roommate, especially now that he needed to pay child support. so many bills to take care of on his own now. bills are so much easier to manage when there are two people working. he needed a roommate and fast.he put an ad out and founds somebody pretty quick. having a roommate worked well for a little while, but it became too hard and eventually he had to sell the house and move in with his parents.
after she moved in with her parents, she quickly realized that this was not going to work. it was not long until she decided to move in with one of her brothers for a little while. what in the world was she going to do? how was she going to support herself and two children? she did not really think of this when she was deciding to move out and get divorced. she did not care. she just knew that she was not going to put up with him anymore and had to get out. now, she was in a predictament. one day, she met a guy. he was a few years older, one of her brother’s friend’s friend. he was handsome and nice. they got high together and started hanging out. two weeks after meeting, they were getting married. they had a small wedding. nothing fancy. she didnt even wear a dress. they did have cake, and of course had fun smashing it into each other’s faces. she figured out how to solve her problem! she found a man to take care of her and her two kids. he had a job and an apartment already. it was an easy move for her and her family. she was so happy! she found a man to love and he loved her back! the little girl was a year and a half old and the little boy was just four years old when they married.
Daughter
we are at my grandma’s house. my dad is bringing us here to visit. i love coming here. I love the green chair on the front patio. i love the shape, how it is made up of a bunch of 2×2 sized wood panels and shaped like a diamond. i love how it feels to sit on in. and grandma has two little dogs that are always happy to see me. my aunts are there and my cousins, but most of all, my dad is there. he’s always ready to play with me. he will pick me up and carry me around in his strong arms, walking around with a cigarette in his hand or hanging out of his mouth, and a beer in the other. he likes to sit outside and enjoy the sounds of nature, stare at the trees or the stars at night, with the music on in the background. it is relaxing for him. he has to relax, because he works so hard all day. he is always working. if he is not building something, he is raking leaves or washing his truck. he is always staying busy. rarely does he sit around and do nothing during the day. relaxing is for the night time, after the work is done. during the day, there is work to be done. you cant lay around and watch the boob tube all day and be lazy. that is how you get fat!
i live in a place with my brother, my mom, and a man. his face is not clear, but there is a man with us. he is a little scary. sometimes he threatens to use his belt on us if we do not behave. I never had the belt used on me, but I never wanted to find out what it was like either. when he slapped the belt, it sounded loud and scary. one day, he brought some food from a place called Arby’s. my brother and i sat on the fireplace stoop and opened the bag. we were told they were called roast beef sandwiches. I bit into one. it was not bad. I loved this fireplace. it was made out of rocks and in between the rocks were cement cracks. these cracks were perfect to drive my brother’s matchbox cars on. they were little roads. Arby’s roast beef sandwiches are my first memory of food. that, and another time when my mom walked me up to another apartment where we lived. she wanted to visit some lady there for something and the lady gave me a vanilla wafer. it was delicious! the only other memory of this apartment is a time when my mother cut her little toe on some broken glass that was at the bottom of a garbage bag she was carrying. It seemed like the most terrifying moment and she acted like she was in so much pain. she even cried about it. that was my first sight of blood.
this apartment was the place that my mom and her new husband lived together for the first time. they were using speed and selling it. my dad had some suspicions. one, he thought that they were selling drugs. two, he thought that they were forgetting to feed us. somebody, maybe my brother, told him that we ate popsicles for our meals. he got a job with a construction company that was working next door to the apartment complex so he could keep an eye out. which makes since to me, as I have a slight memory of getting out of my mom’s car and staring over at the construction site. it was so interesting to me. there were men over there working and large tractors. it also smelled. wet mud in contructions sites always has a nasty smell, almost like sewage. somehow, I knew that somebody was watching me. maybe he waved and smiled, maybe I recognized him for who he was. all I knew is that regardless of the large machinery and the smell, the construction site was not scary or bad. I was very interested in the construction site, and to this day, I still find I am drawn to it.
Dad
living with his parents was not ideal, but it would do for now. he would find a woman and move on with his life. right now, he needed to focus on what he can do to make a living. his mom was a real estate agent and worked with a builder, helping to sell his new homes. she was able to get the builder to agree to let him build mailbox stands and put them in at each house. every time a house was finished, he was the one who came out and put in the mailbox stand and mailbox. he built each one by hand and was very proud of his work. he also started designing dog houses. he was able to get Ace Hardware to agree to sell his dog houses at their stores. he got several stores all around Atlanta. he finally was able to be self employed, make a living and support himself and pay child support! on top of that, he met a beautiful woman at a bar that he just absolutely fell in love with. she was going to nursing school and had two boys of her own. after several months, they got married and then decided to buy a house. it was a new house that was not completely finished yet. it was a split level with a basement and garage. the garage was perfect for his business. life was good. they finished the house, he painted a garfield in the kids playroom in the basement. the stepbrothers each had a bedroom, the master had a bathroom attached and the kids would share the hall bathroom. there was a large living room and kitchen with a little bar and window looking out to the living area.
Daughter
E.T. came out when I was around two years old. it was the first movie I ever saw, and has forever been my favorite movie. I love the colors of brown and blue, reeces pieces and the idea of going to space. my dad brought us to a new house one weekend. there were two boys there. we slept in their bedroom that weekend. they were the boys from E.T. they had the look, the age, the attitude. they had lots of toys and a bunk bed. somehow, they were part of my family now.
my first visit to dad’s new house on Tina Lane was a little scary and dangerous. there were no stairs built to the front door. I had to walk a plank to the front door. a plank! i was two years old. i walked around the living room a little, and then wanted to check out the basement because my dad was down in the basement. there were no stairs! it was completely open to a drop down. I could not go that way!
the next time I came to the house, they had all moved in. dad put down a plastic covering over the stairs to the hall way and all the way down the hallway. he did not want anyone tracking mud on the new carpet. I did not have a room. I had to sleep in one of the stepbrothers’ rooms. one night I would choose the floor of the younger stepbrother. but, he and my brother made jokes about there being a boogey man in the closet that was going to come out and get me in the middle of the night. I did not appreciate that. that was a very scary thought, so I yelled for my dad. he then told me to sleep on the floor in his bedroom. well, that was okay, except he apparently slept nude, and that was a really weird thing to me. why would anyone want to sleep naked? even if he walked around in a robe, i knew he was naked underneath, which was just strange to me. and his wife slept naked, too. why am I in this room if they do not want to wear any clothes? the next night, I chose to sleep in the room with the older stepbrother. I actually liked this idea the most because he had a really cool bed. it was filled with water and moved around when you got on it. plus, he played music. one song Ill never forget was Born in the USA. this was the first time that I learned what it felt like to know where you were born and to feel good about that. this guy singing the song sounded like it was the best thing ever, and I was also born in the USA. i was not exactly sure what any of it really meant, but i knew it was good, and i felt slightly proud to know where i was born.
her time sharing a bed with her stepbrother was short. it started off fun, but made a sharp turn the opposite direction when he decided to cross a line that no person should cross. he thought it would be fun to play doctor with her one night when they were getting ready to go to sleep. what three year old doesnt want to play make believe? she got to be the doctor and he was the patient. they had the stethescope that belonged to his mother, so she could listen to his heart beat. how cool is it to be able to hear a person’s heartbeat through a machine? he was wearing a cast on his arm because he had broken it when skate boarding, so she had to inspect his arm and hand to make sure everything was healing properly. and then, he wanted her to continue to inspect further down his body, but he was only wearing underwear and this made her feel very uncomfortable. she stopped playing and decided it was time to go to sleep. why would he want her to inspect him in THAT area? after that night, she did not sleep in his room or on his bed unless he was not there.
Dad
he knew something was wrong. he knew that his exwife and her new husband were involved in drugs. he could tell by her attitude, by the way she acted. he was worried about the kids. his son said something about having popsicles for dinner. who in the world only gives their kids popsicles for dinner? he had to do something about it. he had to figure out a way to help his kids. he decided to go to the police. he did not have proof, but they came up with a plan. he would wear a wire and he would set up a meeting to have them sell him some speed. so, he started acting real cool around them, and talking eventually about wanting something to help him out with being so tired. he really could use a pick me up. his exwife told him they could get him something. the plan was in full effect! he set up a time to go over there. after stopping by the police station and getting set up, he headed over to her apartment. he was going to do this! he was going to help the police out and catch them! and then, he would be able to take care of his kids.
the plan did not go exactly as he imagined. the new husband did not participate in the sale. he actually left the room and went into another room while she sold him the speed. well, either way, she was caught, he had the proof and this was going to be good for everyone.
the police did not barge into the apartment and arrest her. he went to the police station. they took it from there. it took a few weeks or so for them to put together their case with the evidence, but then they did show up at her apartment to arrest her for selling drugs. she was charged, booked and was placed on probation. she did no jail time, but she did get ten years of probation. she was so mad at him! how dare he do such a horrible thing to her! he knew that what he did was the right thing. sometimes you have to make the hard decision, sometimes you have to be willing to make somebody mad if it means that it will be good and helpful in the long run. this was not even about her, it was about their kids! she and her husband moved out of the apartment that they were in and moved about an hour north to get away from the people they were doing drugs with. it was a much farther drive for him to see his kids, but maybe they will be better off now that his ex and her husband were no longer dealing and using drugs.
he loved his house. it was perfect. he loved playing the piano in the living room, or using his drafting table to paint, or just sit outside and listen to the sounds of the crickets and frogs. he of course built his own mailbox stand and put up some fencing along the road, just for decorative purposes. he was pretty happy. he had a beautiful wife, and her two kids were okay. they were little twerps sometimes, but he just dealt with them when it was necessary.
one night, he was sitting in his living room, had had a few beers, and was just relaxing with the music playing in the background. all of a sudden, he could see his dad’s face hovering over the piano and he could hear his voice. his dad was telling him that he loved him and told him to write a book. why would he see a vision of his dad like that? what kind of weed did they smoke?! he knew something was wrong, there had to be something wrong. he would call over in the morning to see what is going on.
the next morning, he forgot to call anyone right away, and started working on his doghouses. a couple of hours into the morning, the phone rang. of course he had to stop and go answer it, it could be work! he needed all the work he could get! it was his mother. his sister found their father laying in the garage with the car turned on. his father was gone. he took his own life! he could not deal with the pain he was suffering any longer. his sister should have been at school, but she stayed home that day. when she went looking for her dad, she found him in the garage. he just turned the car on and laid down next to the exhaust pipe.
he left behind a wife and five children and six grandchildren. the youngest two grandchildren would have no memory of him because they were so young. his daughter would never know her grandfather. his exwife did not agree to let the kids go to the funeral. they should have gone. maybe they would have something to remember, the youngest one especially. but, she did not think it would be a good idea, and so they did not come.
so now his mother was on her own. she now was in charge of raising the youngest two girls on her own. she was a real estate agent, and was doing pretty well with the new houses, so she would continue to sell real estate until she was too old to do it anymore.
Daughter
we moved into a new place that seemed like it was so far away from everything and everybody. it took so long to get there, was way out in the woods. the place was called a trailor. it was not attached to the ground. you could walk all around it and see underneath it. there was a huge gas tank behind it, that her brother called propane. that was supposed to help with something in the house, but she did not quite understand what or why. there were two bedrooms, so she shared one with her brother. they had one bed, and it was small. she and her brother fought over who was going to sleep on the edge and who got to sleep by the wall. there just was not enough room to do either! mom came into the room and told them to sleep with a head at each end and stop fighting! she was so mad!
this trailor was close to some muddy water. she was told it was a lake. they walked around the edge of the lake for a little while. it was kind of neat, but it was really brown and muddy. her stepdad decided it was perfect for fishing. he set out to fish while they were hanging out there, and he caught some smelly fish. that night, she watched him cut the fish head off and clean the stinky fish outside the front door. it was really bloody and gross. she had no interest in getting close to the stink fish. she did not know why anybody would want to cut fish up like that and then eat it. nasty!
one morning, they made something called scrambled eggs. this must have been the first time she was ever introduced to eggs, or at least this was the first time she remembered. they also stunk, and they looked weird. fluffy, yellow and white mounds of weirdness. she was told to eat it or she would get the belt. so, she ate it. she was not impressed and not happy with being made to eat something she did not want.
one night, they were coming home from somewhere( maybe from her grandparent’s house or a store) and they passed by a house that was on fire. it was right around the corner from where they lived. there were fire trucks and people outside. the firemen were working on putting out the fire. they pulled over and stepped outside to watch the house burn. the whole place was ablaze, and she could feel the heat coming from the fire. she had never seen anything like that. there is something captivating about watching a fire. you just want to stare at it and not look away in case you miss something.
one morning, she woke up and it was just her and her mom in the house. her brother was gone to some place called school and the stepdad was gone as well. she got out of bed and realized she was wearing a one piece outfit, which was quite comfy but hot, and when she started to unzip the front of her pajamas, she discovered that she was not wearing underwear! what?! why?! she felt really bad, almost guilty, for walking around in her clothes with no underwear. she crept into her mom’s room. mom was asleep, but she had the television on and it was playing some guy in shorts who was teaching a bunch of ladies how to work out. boring! what was she going to do? she was afraid to wake her mom up and she was afraid to get in trouble for wearing no underwear. she was afraid, yet she kind of liked it to. she liked the feeling of being free. she does not remember feeling this way before. it was kind of nice. she walked back into her room, unzipped again and explored.
from the trailor, we moved into the brown apartments, which was much closer again to everyone. the drive from the trailor to visit dad was such a long drive, but now they did not have to go as far. the apartment was two stories with two bedroom on the second floor. the kitchen was really neat because they had these doors that were like saloon doors that you had to open when you walked in the kitchen from the dining room area. she shared a room with her brother, but this time, they had a bunk bed. her brother had the top bunk, but sometimes he would get scared and come down to hers to sleep. she did not mind. he protected her from the boogey man this way.
the apartment was near another construction site and a large building that her mom called a warehouse. the warehouse actually had her stepgrandparents’ business in it. they sold parts. not sure what kind of parts or what they were used for, but there were small to very large black tubes, white wires that had something on the end that would catch the opposite end and not let it go(they called them wire ties), long tubes of just wires and then lots of little wrench looking objects that she got to help count before they bagged them up. she loved being able to help count things to bag up, but they would only let her count the long white wire ties. now that her brother was in school, she liked having something to do. she loved learning new things, and especially loved the workbooks mom would give her that had stickers inside or her sesame street books. you had to find where the stickers went in the book. she was only four years old, she could not go to school with her brother, so she soaked up whatever she could. when she would wake up in the morning, she would play or work on her books.
they made friends with a couple of girls that lived next door. they were great playmates. they would come outside and make mud pies with her, teach her to ride a bike and play with barbies. when she was learning to ride the bike, she accidently hit her toe against the moving spikes in wheel and fell off the bike. she ran inside her home, yelling for her mom. her mom picked her up and sat her on the kitchen counter to take a look at her toe. as soon as she saw the blood on her toe, she started crying. it hurt so bad! and it was bleeding! her mom put a band aid on the toe, and amazingly the pain went away. how does that happen? back outside she went with no more thought of the toe. and no, she would not be putting shoes on now. nobody wears shoes when it is warm outside!
she loved playing barbies in her room, definitely one of her favorite pastimes. sometimes her brother would bring in his cars to play and she would stop playing her barbies to play with the cars. they were fun, too. she loved the little matchbox car towns that you could drive the cars in. time for a car wash!! one day, a new family moved in to the apartment adjoining theirs. they had a little girl about the same age as her brother. her bedroom was on the other side of the wall as theirs. they discovered they could talk to each other and pass stuff to each other through a hole in the walls that were covered by an electric outlet plate. there was a plate, but no wires or anything coming through it. it was the coolest secret that they all shared. when they were given a bag of blow pops, she just passed one over to her friend! blow pops, by the way, were the greatest creation on earth, too. she had never had one until that bag was given to them. you just kept sucking on the sucker until you got to the middle and you were rewarded with some gum!
toward the end of summer, her brother and she were taken to their grandparents’ house to stay a few nights (her mom’s parents). this was actually quite fun because her grandmother had a pool in her backyard and a room in the house that they called the office. they loved to play in the office! there was an old typewriter that worked, a huge desk with lots of drawers and a whole wall filled with shelves of books. her grandparents loved to read and it was evident with the amount of books they had on the shelves. there must have been thousands of books! one day, maybe she would read some of those books, but for now they looked like big, boring, adult books. the office desk had a drawer that was set apart especially for them. they could find stickers, stamps, paper, envelopes and various writing utensils. they would pretend they worked in the office and would stay in there for hours. it was almost painful to have to quit playing to go eat lunch or dinner.
during one of their episodes in the office, their grandmother came in to tell them some news. their mom just had a baby boy! they had a little brother! a couple days later, grandmother drove them to their apartment so they could meet their new brother. they walked in and she could see that somebody had invaded her home. there was baby stuff everywhere, and this little person in her mom’s arms. she looked so happy and tired. she wanted to stay, but they had to leave. grandmother said that mom needed a few days. a few days alone with her new favorite kid! she did not even know that she was supposed to have a new brother and they tricked her! they sent her to grandmother’s house so they secretly bring this new kid to the house to take over. and then they did not even want us in the house when they brought him home. she was not very happy about these arrangements. did they ever wants us to go back home?
summer slowly, yet quickly, was coming to an end and it was almost time for her brother to start school. he said that he didnt have to go to kindergarten because they could choose to skip it, so he is starting first grade. the school was across the street from the apartment, but felt so far away. she was alone all day to entertain herself and the new brother. one morning, she wanted to turn on the television. she crept downstairs quietly, as mom was still sleeping. she tried to turn on the tv, but the channels were not working. she went back upstairs to see if mom was awake. she crawed up on her bed to look at her face. still asleep. her mouth was slightly open and she was making a clucking noise every time she breathed out. she looked down toward the end of the bed and there was the crib that held her little brother, who was also sleeping. she would not wake up her mom, she would just lie next to her and listen to her breathe and wait for her to wake up. after she got tired of waiting, she decided she was hungry, so she crept back downstairs. what would she eat? she climbed up on the kitchen counters and looked in the cabinet over the stove. there, she found a little box that had a picture of jello on the cover. this looked good! she got back down on the floor and opened the box. she then opened the bag and discovered red powder, not jello! she licked her finger and stuck it in the powder and back into her mouth. pretty good! it may not be jello, but it was pretty tasty! now what was she going to do with it? she looked around and decided on a hiding spot right behind the leg of a piece of furniture in the living room. it sat right at the corner of the hallway and the living room, which was perfect. whenever she wanted a taste, she could just sit in the hallway, out of her mom’s view from the couch, and take a lick.
her brother gave her a haircut one evening. they had just discovered the bag of old halloween candy under the bathroom sink. it was probably the grossest thing she had ever seen! there were cockroaches crawling all over the bag and in the sink! note to self, do not leave candy under the bathroom sink!! those roaches gave her the creeps! so later in the evening, she was hanging out again in their bedoom. her hair was pulled up in a ponytail. her brother came up to her with scissors in hand and asked her if she wanted him to cut off her ponytail. sure! why not? it is just a ponytail. so, he grabbed a hold of the ponytail and proceeded to cut the whole thing off her head. she did have long hair, halfway down her back. now, she had very, very short hair! when she walked downstairs to show her mom her new do, her mother just looked at her with bug eyes and screamed for her brother to come downstairs. she grabbed his arm and spanked his bottom over and over. she was so mad at him for cutting her hair!! after she punished her brother, it was then time to figure out how to fix the hair cut. her mom tried fixing it herself with the scissors, at least she tried to even things out. a short hair cut is not so simple to accomplish, it actually takes some work to master the skill, all of which her mother did not have. the next day, her grandmother actually came by to take her to the hair salon where she got her hair cut. her grandmother had short hair, too, so the salon was probably the best place to go. she, on the other hand, was not thrilled about having to go and get her hair cut. she did not think that she had to go to a salon. when the stylist was finished, her hair was cut like a boy’s! it was so ugly! she was not happy in the least about this new haircut. not only was going there once the worst thing ever, but her grandmother actually took her AGAIN sometime later to get her hair cut AGAIN! after that, she refused to go back to the salon. she did not want a boy haircut!
Dad
doctor told him he is going to need another surgery. they have to go back in due to an infection from the previous surgery! after what happened last time, this idea did not make him super excited! what if he has the same problems? or what if he is worse? the doctor assured him that everything would be fine. it should be straightforward, and alleviate the pain. so, he decided to go ahead with it. brain surgery number two! wife two, surgery two. it actually was a quicker procedure than last time and he woke up with no new problems. of course, his head hurt like hell, but that would all go away after the healing.
business was going really well for him. he had several stores and several neighborhoods that kept him busy. he was a Man and was able to support his children and his new family. he decided he should build a shop. he had plenty of land to work on. he recruited help from his cousin and they got busy building a shop. it was going to be big enough so he could use all of his tools and work inside, out of the elements, on as many as twenty doghouses at a time. he also put in a sidewalk along the back side of the house that led from the driveway to the back deck. his place was getting better and better looking! he was so proud, he had a home to bring his children to. he was able to provide for them, and he never had to use the government to help. he never had to go on disability. he was disabled, but able to take care of himself and his family. being half blind, he had every right to use government assistance, but a real man doesn’t do that if he is able to work. he was able to use his hands and he was strong. yes, sometimes he hit is thumb with a hammer, and yes, he did cut his knee open with a saw, but hey, that comes with the job of being a carpenter.
cutting into his knee may have been the worse pain he ever felt, even worse than the multiple brain surgeries.maybe. he was working on cutting a piece of wood for his shop, using an electric saw, and sliced right into the bone. he had to get stitched up and wear a leg brace for several weeks to allow it to heal properly. wearing a brace created some interesting obstacles to his job, but he refused to allow it to slow him down. he kept trucking through each day. if he did not work, he did not pay the bills. you can not be a baby, you had to be tough, be a man! stop your crying and get back to work! and so he did.
Daughter
one weekend, we came to see dad, and he spent the whole weekend working on a sidewalk. he had shaved his head and you could see a scar running along the side of his head. I did not know what happened! it looked painful. he then told us that he had to have surgery, and this was the second one! he looked a little funny to me when the shaved head, definitely not like what she was used to! her dad usually had a full head of beautiful hair and a full beard. any time the beard was removed her dad disappeared! this time it was the head of hair, but the beard remained. still her dad, just a little funny looking. nothing ever stopped him though. he had that surgery, yet here he was, staying busy with another project. he had to get that sidewalk in and make this place look great! he showed me how he mixed the cement with water, spread it out in the dugout areas that he created for the sidewalk. after a couple of days, its dried and hard and ready to walk on! fantastic!
her dad loved to take them to parks. they would bring a picnic and a kite or Frisbee. one of weekend visits, they went to a park called Piedmont Park. it was in Atlanta, and this particular weekend they were having a festival. she had never been to a festival before, at least not that she could remember. they called it a dogwood festival. there were tons of people there. as they walked around, she saw a man on stilts, a clown making animals out of balloons (fascinating!) and a huge beer can, almost as tall as the trees. the beer can was the most magical thing she had ever seen, even more magical than the clown making animals out of balloons. how did they make this beer can so big?! they set up the picnic and got out the kite. her dad loved to fly kites, and the higher he could get it the better. he brought extra string, just in case he needed to add to the string he was using. the kite kept going up higher and higher, he added his extra string, and the kite kept going higher and further out. we went on a hunt for more string and found balloons tied to strings. we grabbed some balloons and added those to the kite. now, we had a kite with balloons attached. it was incredible and dad was super proud. of course, what goes up eventually must come down, and in this case the kite did eventually come down after a time of excitement. they took off to follow the string and walked for what seemed like miles to find the kite at the end of the string. of course, kites must fall in trees, because a game of flying kites just would not be fun if the kite did not land on something out of reach. dad was so brave and strong, he decided to climb up that tree and get his kite. he looked like a monkey climbing the tree, but he did get his kite. the game was over, but it sure was fun!
they had a dog named Pete. pete was in fact a female dog, but the name was easy to remember. Pete would get pregnant, as she was an outdoor dog and not on birth control, and would give birth to the cutest puppies. they were super fun to play with and they always begged dad to let them keep at least one puppy. this request was always granted because whenever pete would get run over by a car, there usually was a replacement Pete to take her place. This did happen at least two or three times. One weekend, Pete had a litter of about six or seven puppies that were about six weeks old. they decided to load up the puppies and some chairs in the back of the truck and head over to one of dad’s cousin’s house. this was a cousin that had recently moved down from the north, one of his favorite cousins that he played with when they were kids. they had two small children, a boy and a girl. they were much younger than she was, but still old enough to play with outside. on the way to their house, one of the puppies climbed up on the stack of chairs that were pressed against the tail of the truck. he climbed up to the top and when dad ran over a bump on the road, the puppy flew up in the air and then landed on the street. she watched this happen in horror, and watched the car driving behind them swerve to the left to avoid hitting the puppy. they pulled over and ran out to pick the puppy up out of the street. dad pulled over and backed the truck up to where the couple was standing. they jumped out of the truck to check on the puppy. he was alive and surpisingly appeared to be unhurt. they thanked the couple and got back into the truck after rearranging the chairs to prevent any other escapes. when they arrived at their cousin’s house, they told them the scary story. everyone was so thankful that the puppy survived the accident.
they decided to go outside and enjoy the beautiful day by playing kickball. her cousins had a nice back yard with a slight downhill slope and some trees, but big and flat enough to play a game. she was not very fast or great at playing the game, but her dad got out there and ran around which made the game super fun. he was always willing to play. she was not sure what exactly happened, but apparently there was a rock jutting out that her dad did not see which he unfortunately tripped on. he went down, his knee hitting another rock. she knew he had cut his knee a while back and had to wear a brace, but she had no idea how serious it had been until now. now, she saw the blood and the pain in his face. he hit the same knee that he had cut. and do you know, they had to go right back to the same place she was taken when she had to get stitches in her chin? they waited and waited, and finally he came out of the room, walking with crutches under his armpits. crutches looked cool! they were too hard for her to use, as she was so short, but they looked fun to walk around with. her dad’s leg was bandaged up and he had to wear a brace again to keep from bending the knee.
Dad
It was time to take a trip up north. it had been a few years and his kids had never been. he and his wife planned to take all four kids north in the truck. of course, only two people could fit up front, so he had to put on the the top to the truck bed and the kids would just have to sit in the back for the fifteen hour drive north. his little girl did not like the ride up, she complained about the boys picking on her. he just told her to not be a baby. they complained about being uncomfortable. they should be excited and grateful to take a trip like this, but they all just complain. he thought it was a great idea to have them in the back so he did not have to hear the complaints. they just did not know what they had been missing out on. his home base was so much better than living in Georgia. the people and the food were so much better and he missed it so much. he missed the cold and the trees and most of all his cousins and aunt.
they made it to his sister’s house. she also had two kids, a son and daughter and also was divorced from her spouse. they were great kids. he took his family to see another cousin of his who had the most beautiful wife. she was so very sweet and pretty, and was so happy for his cousin to have found such a lovely lady. they visited their home and had a little fun riding some horses together. when it was time to say goodbye, he gave that one a big fat kiss on the lips! man, she was a beautiful lady! his wife did not like that kiss all too much, but it was no big deal to him. they had a quiet ride back south, minus the complaining kids.
Daughter
visiting dad was fun most of the time. they were always going skating or bowling, jumping on the trampoline in the back yard with some neighborhood friends, riding bikes or climbing up the tree house. the tree house seemed so high, like fifty feet high, and it really was not a house. it was just a platform with no true protective railing. To get to the top, you had to climb up the tree, grabbing hold of some two by fours that were nailed into the tree. once you reached the platform, you then had to wrap your arms around the tree so you had a grip and then you swung your legs and body around the tree until your feet were planted firmly on the platform.once your feet were stable, you could then let go of the tree and land on your hands and knees on the platform, so as to not lose your balance and fall off. it was quite the thrill and not done too often by a small four year old. the view from the top was pretty amazing. you could see the whole back yard and the roof of the house. when it was time to climb back down, you just reversed the actions, except this time, you did it blindly because it was impossible to actually see where the first two by four was located. you just searched with your foot until you found it and then held tight to the tree to start slowly letting yourself down.
another pastime of the household was the game of monopoly. this usually was played after dinner. unfortunately, they did not allow her to play with them and when she asked why not, she was handed the box to the game and it was pointed out that you had to be eight years old in order to play. she had several years to wait until she could join in on the fun. they would sit for hours at the table. her stepbrother would make popcorn on the stove, and they would laugh and talk, and she had to find something else to do.
one time, when they were playing monopoly, her stepbrother decided to pop some popcorn. she wanted to watch, so she was standing in the kitchen waiting to see what happened. he had the oil heating up on the stove and was standing right in front of the pot. he had the heat on a little too high, and the oil popped and splattered a drop in his eye! he screamed and cried, he had hot oil on his eye! her dad had little patience for people crying and screaming about getting hurt and told him to stop being a baby. it was just a little splatter, he would be fine. that was the end of popcorn for the night and the end of the game. maybe next time she would get to see the popcorn be made.
her dad was always burning scrap wood. he worked with wood every day, building doghouses and mailboxes, so he always had little pieces that would build up in a large garbage can. once it got full, he would burn them. between, the house and the shop was the fire pit where he always burned the wood and any other scraps. one Saturday morning, her dad was working in the shop and she was outside playing around. she walked up to the fire pit. there was no fire, it looked like there had not been one at least since the day before. she saw a metal object in the black soot and reached down to pick it up to see what it was. it was a VERY hot metal object!! she dropped it immediately, but not before it could burn the pads of four of her five fingers! she screamed (like a baby) and her dad ran out to find out what was wrong. she showed him her hand, crying and pointing at the metal object. he took her inside, grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and put ice and water it in. he put her fingers in the ice cold water. it was burning and it was cold!! it was so painful!! he led her into the living room so she can lay down on the floor and keep her hand in the cold water. he turned on the Saturday morning cartoons, gave her a pillow and a blanket and told her to relax and keep her fingers in the water. all day, she stayed this way. the neighborhood friends stopped by to play, and she could not go out. she was so sad because her brother was able to go play, but she had to stay inside. why was she so stupid!? of course the metal was hot! why did she not realize that the metal object would be hot?
that was the worst pain she had ever felt and it was on four fingers! it was even worse than the time over the summer when she had to get stitches under her chin. they had gone to the neighborhood pool. she did not know how to swim, so she just hung out at the shallow end. she liked to jump off the edge and twist like a tornado. one time, she did not jump out far enough and when she came down, her chin landed on the edge of the pool that was made of brick. her chit split open and gushed blood. her dad had to run her up to the urgent care to get it checked out. she got a few stitches and the pain was practically gone by the time they got there. he did not call her a baby that day. that day, he was actually concerned and did the right thing. he knew he could not cover this up with a wet paper towel and forget about it. the blood was not going to go away. the icing on the cake, the sweet lifeguard came to the urgent care to see how she was doing. she felt so special!
this pain, this burn, was way worse than that. it just burned all day and never let up. the only time that she did not feel the pain was when she was sleeping. it took a couple of weeks to heal, and for days she had no finger prints. she thought she would never have fingerprints ever again. she did heal though, and the finger prints did come back.
(this may be for age 6 or 7)during another weekend with her dad, they drove out to house to see some family members that just moved to Georgia. the mom was dad’s cousin, and she came with her husband and their two kids. she learned to play Uno that weekend for the first time, sitting out at a picnic table with these new family members. they did not live their long, but they ended up buying a house that was near her dad’s house. you could actually walk there if you crossed over a few neighbor’s yards. her dad loved to go over there and hang out. we spent quite a few nights going over to their house. she would play with her cousin, her brother would play with the other cousin, and the adults would hang out and drink beer, talking for hours. she learned that the husband, her dad’s cousin’s husband, had something inside his chest called a pace maker. they said that it helps his heart. he has it because he has had multiple heart attacks and it is supposed to prevent him from having another one. somehow, even in her young mind, she knew that the drinking was probably not a good idea. he might be better off if he quit drinking, but that would never happen.
sometimes, she would just sleep over at her cousin’s house.. she wanted to sleep over, she was the one that asked, and it was probably an angel telling her to do so she would not ride home with her dad driving after drinking all evening. she and her cousin played well together and loved to hang out. her cousin was a couple of years ahead of her, but that did not seem to matter. they would play board games or go outside, or bug their brothers.
she was quite envious of her cousin. she had parents that loved each other. they had a house together and she had so much stuff in her room! she had so many clothes! she only wished she had a room like that with so many clothes. she was always lacking enough clothes. they would never move from that house, and she would have friends in the neighborhood that she would grow up with. she had a perfect life, one for a little girl to be envious of.
Dad
He did everything he could think of to be the man that she wanted, but it just was not enough. he was not nice enough to her children, he was not making enough money, he drank too much beer, etc… what started off as a beautiful match, is now starting to end with fighting. she just did not understand him, she never had brain surgery so she never would understand. she was a nurse, but that did not mean she knew what it was like. she wanted more from him than he could give. she had no patience for him and she did not like that he drank. she wanted him to get high with her, but he did not like the feeling of pot anymore. he used to love it. he used to get high with his first wife all the time. as a matter of fact, that is exactly what he was doing when she went to the hospital to give birth to their son. he was celebrating with his best friend, high as a kite when she called him late at night to tell him he was born. she was so mad when he did not show up until the next morning. he could not drive in his condition! he had to sleep it off! but he was such a beautiful baby. he had a cone head, but he was beautiful and HIS son! but, he could not handle the pot anymore. it made him feel so weird and he just did not like how it made him feel. he preferred beer. beer was perfect for him and made him feel MORE normal than anything else.
she got a call from her dad in Ohio. he was very sick and they needed to drive up there to pick him and bring him south so she could take care of him. he had throat cancer. when they brought him down, they had to blend his food so that he could drink it as he did not have the ability to chew and swallow. it was a terrible condition and he felt very sorry for her dad and for her. this time brought a temporary close to the arguments as they focused on taking care of her dad. he was not alive for long, though. when they brought him down, he had very little time left and he spent his last days in the hospital.
Daughter
they moved again. mom, dad (stepdad), both brothers and her. they moved to a neighborhood that she liked to call the horseshoe neighborhood. the street was shaped like a U and they lived on the left side of the U. she five years old now and would get to start kindergarten once school started up again. during the summer. she spent a lot of time outside, collecting flower buds off the dogwood trees, mixing them with dirt and water to make “blueberry pancakes”. she was very domestic! many of the kids chose not to like one particular girl in the neighborhood. she was not sure why, but she observed as the other kids laughed at her and made fun of her. there was something about her that was not quite right, although she did not what that was. one afternoon, when she was out playing with the flower buds, she saw the girl sitting on the curb by herself, just out in front of her apartment. she did not think much about her until she heard her scream. she screamed so loud and was jumping around slapping at her legs. her mother ran outside, grabbed her and ran inside, leaving the front door wide open. she decided to run over there to find out what happened. when the girl’s mother came down the stairs, she asked if the girl was okay. she was told that the girl was okay, but had sat on a red ant pile and had ant bites all over her body. oh my!! she felt so bad, and not just that she had got bitten all over but also that she had been unliked and teased by everyone. here was this girl who nobody wanted to like, and she now had this traumatic experience and no friend to support her! she felt very, very sad for this girl. it was not nice of any of them to have been so mean, and now she had the injury to add to the insults. from now on, she would make sure to be nice to the girl if she sees her again.
across the street from her apartment lived her first very best friend. the girl’s name was Joy. joy was so lucky as she had her own bedroom, which they used a lot as a place to play barbies and make recordings. she had a tape recorder, so she would bring it over to Joy’s and they would make up songs and record them. they also liked to sneak up on her mom when she was on the phone and make secret recordings. this was quite fun until her Joy’s mom caught us.
she was very brave on her first day of kindergarten. her mom dropped her off at the door to the classroom and she sat down on the rug with the rest of the kids. she watched one little girl get dropped off, and she was crying! she guessed the girl was scared. she, on the other hand, was not scared at all. the room was filled with so much color and things to look at. there were two teachers and they showed them around the classroom and explained to them how they would rotate around to the different stations. she was so excited!! you could listen to stories being read to you while wearing headphones, build walls out blocks, make crafts or play dress up. one of her favorite activities was when they dressed up like indians and the teacher popped popcorn. they laid out a sheet on the floor and plugged in the pot that would heat up the oil and pop the kernels. as the kernels started to pop, they would pop up in the air and land in random places on the sheet. it was so fun! she also enjoyed going outside and playing. her teachers taught them the red light green light game, simon says and taught them a dances to “Jeremiah was a bullfrog” and “stop! in the name of love” songs.
they always had naptime in the afternoon before recess. she did not usually fall asleep, just laid there. she knew that if she fell asleep, she might end up with her thumb in her mouth and she was not quite sure that she wanted to get caught. one afternoon, right after naptime started, the lights were dim and all was quiet, she had a major urge to go to the bathroom. she really had to pee. she raised her hand and asked if she could go. she was told no. she had to wait until after naptime to go to the bathroom. she laid there, squirming, listening to the song that was playing “America the Beautiful” and thinking about how large it was, from sea to shining sea, and hoping that the time would pass by quickly. she had to go pee!! when the lights finally turned on, they were told to line up to outside and she was told she could go on the way out the door. as soon as they got into the hallway, she walked quickly to the bathroom and into a stall, shut the door and peed right there, in her pants. the pee just came gushing out before she could even lock the door. she pulled her pants down as fast as she could and sat on the toilet to finish. what was she going to do?! she had pee all over her pants! she walked out of the stall and stood in front of the mirror. she was horrified! how was she going to go outside now? how was she going to get away with this? she had to stand tall and walk out of that bathroom with wet pants. she had no choice. she walked out of the bathroom and started out the door. another girl from her class came walking up, she must have forgotten something. she followed behind her out the door. oh God! she asked her why her pants were wet! she just shrugged her shoulders and told her she spilled water on herself. that was it. that was the end of conversation. nobody asked her any other questions. she walked outside and played and prayed her pants would dry quickly.
when she got home, she had to tell her mom what happened at school. her mother was so mad. not at her, at her teachers! they should have let her go to the bathroom! she told her that if she EVER has to go to the bathroom and a teacher tells her no, she has her permission to walk right on out of that classroom and go to the bathroom. yes, mama! unfortunately, she never had the satisfaction of doing that, but just dared anybody (in her mind) to try to tell her she could not go to the bathroom. her mom would back her up!
for some reason, they had to move again. she was only in school for a few months, but they had to move right in the middle of kindergarten. she was so sad to leave that school, mainly due to having to move away from her friend across the street. she was not so disappointed to leave her teachers, especially after the bathroom incident. they moved into her stepdad’s parents house. they all shared one bedroom together. her mom and stepdad slept on the bed, and the three kids slept on the floor. she did not mind sleeping on the floor because she absolutely loved the neighborhood they moved into. there were a ton of kids and they got to walk to school. this time, she only had one teacher. she learned how to say the pledge of allegiance, the months of the year and the full alphabet. she had two boyfriends at one time! well, she started off with Ben as her boyfriend, but his best friend, Luke, felt that if Ben had her as his girlfriend, then he should, too. So, she had two boyfriends.
living in this house was so great. her aunt also lived in the house. she rarely saw her aunt, because she was always out somewhere, but sometimes she would come home and let her come into her room. her room was a disaster. for one person, she could not understand how it could be so messy. her aunt liked to ride horses, and invited her out to the barn to see the horses. they had to walk out on the field to find the horse they were looking for. it was a huge field seemed like they walked for miles before they finally found the horse. she really wanted to sit on the horse, but her aunt would not let her. she said it was too dangerous.
another great reason to love living there was meeting Wendy. her brother was in love with her! she was in his grade, was an only child, and was the sweetest person she ever knew. every morning, they would walk over to her house on the way to school so she could walk with them. she was her best friend. when their parents took them to the fair, Wendy came, too. one story that will never be forgotten is when she started her period. Wendy told her the story to warn her. she did not even know what a period was until Wendy told her. one day, Wendy was sitting in class and she suddenly felt a wetness. she was wearing white pants, and when she looked down, she could see the red blood spreading out. it was the most embarrassing thing she had ever experienced! she ran to the bathroom and then had to go to the office to call her mom. best advice given, do not wear white! ever!
she woke up one morning with a sore throat. she told her mom about her throat hurting, but her mother sent her to school anyway. she was not like her dad, saying “don’t be a baby”, but she basically wrote it off as not important or a big deal. her throat hurt, and nobody cared! so she went to school. she was sitting at the table, working on the project her teacher had given them, and her throat just kept feeling worse and worse. finally, she told her teacher who sent her to the nurse. after the nurse looked inside her mouth, she called her mom. she had white bumps all inside her mouth and her mom needed to take me to the doctor. the doctor informed her mother that she had the chicken pox. they started inside her mouth because she sucked her thumb. mom took her to work with her that day. she worked in the warehouse for her in-laws. she had to sit around all day, with a sore throat, and wait until it was time to go home. once she got home, they made her stay upstairs in the bedroom. they moved her bedding to another section so she would not contaminate the others and give them the chicken pox, too. she was not even allowed to come downstairs to eat with everyone! she had to stay upstairs and wait for somebody to bring her something to drink and eat. she pulled out her recorder and rewound the tape to the beginning. she pressed record and proceeded to sing “the chicken pock blues”. she was a chicken? where was the chicken that put pocks all over her body? it gave her the blues. nobody wanted to her around, they didnt want to see her. she was so lonely and got the blues. she was very sad. she was very bored. the next morning, not so bored! she got to lay in the den where her grandparents usually watched television. her mother gave her some soda to drink and turned on nickelodeon. she was able to watch her favorite show, Pinwheel!
chicken pox are no fun, but there is a small amount of fun when everyone else has to leave, but you get to stay home and watch television and somebody brings you food and drink so you do not spread your disease. there is a small amount of awesomness in that. the itching part is not fun, and she itched everywhere. how do you not scratch something when it feels so good to scratch? even with the quarantine, she still managed to pass on the pox to the rest of the family who had never had it before. it was bound to happen, but at least now they were all immune to future exposures. her two boyfriends felt that this was also the time that they needed to break up. that was fine with her, although, she did not really understand why. she was fine with it, though, especially after Ben was caught sucking his thumb at naptime!
she went back to school and started to notice another girl, from another class, at lunch. she was hard not to notice, she wore a small ponytail right on the top of her head. it reminded her of a water fountain. she thought it was pretty interesting, so this girl must be interesting! they would smile hello at each other as they passed by in the lunchline. one day at recess, the girl’s class was out at the same time. they found each other and exchanged names. she asked her where she lived, and Brooke pointed behind the school, saying out that way in the neighborhood. Great!! she could just ride her bike out there to come play! they made a plan to meet up after school. she was only in kindergarten, but she could ride her bikes down a few streets and find her way. it wasn’t that hard!
that afternoon, she took off on her bike to find her new friend’s house. she pulled up to a house that she believed was hers. a girl from school came out and greeted her. she looked like Brooke, so she went on inside. there was a ramp leading up to the front door. what was that for? she walked inside, and there she met her uncle who was in a wheelchair. she had never met anyone in a wheelchair before! she asked him why he had to sit in the chair, and he explained that he had no ability to walk or move his arms. well, how did he eat?! he then pointed to the large spoon and fork hanging on the wall, chuckled, and said they fed him using those. the fork and spoon were ten times larger than normal! that made no sense! but, she did not say anything as she did not want to sound dumb, and then proceeded to sit down in the living room to watch an episode of Peewee’s Playhouse. it was all a very strange experience, and she was not at all sure she had come to the right place, so she was ready to jet as soon as the show ended, stating she had to go home to eat dinner (all the while trying to imagine how they got that big spoon in his mouth). as she was riding home, she saw her parents’ truck. they pulled up to her, yelling at her and asking where she had been. they had been looking all over for her, they were so worried! her stepdad put the bike in the back and they drove home.
the days passed by, school ended and they spent the summer playing outside and making visits to their dad’s house and grandparents. her mom’s parents took her, and her only, to Florida. she had one full week as an only child, and they took her to Disney. it was the first time she had ever been to Florida. they drove down in grandma’s blue buick, and she rode all the way down there laying in the back of the car with no seat belt! after that trip to Florida, she will never forget the smell of her grandmother’s car. it was mixed with the scent of wetwipes and her grandmother’s perfume. she loved her grandma so much. not just because she took her on vacation to the beach to swim in the pool, jump waves in the ocean with her grandpa or chase the seagulls. she loved her because grandma pushed her to use her imagination, to make friends, to read, to have manners, to clean her teeth and clip her fingernails, and the list goes on. grandma taught her things that nobody else did. her house was always the same, the furniture never moved, all the items on her dresser and bathroom were always in the same place, for all the years that she lived there. her grandparents slept in separate bedrooms, so she always got to sleep in the bed with her grandmother. before she would go to sleep, grandma would read stories to her. she loved the sound of her voice and the crickets chirping out the open window. she had the coziest bed. every morning, she would help her make the bed. she learned how to make a bed at her grandmothers. every morning, her grandma would wake up early and start making breakfast. she made every meal for the family. she prepared everyone’s plate, but grandpa’s was always made first. he never had to lift a finger. he would go downstairs to watch football, and would come upstairs from his den to either get a drink or to sit down for a meal.
the best part about going to grandma’s during the summer was being able to go swimming. they had an above ground pool in their back yard between the house and their huge vegetable garden. there were stone steps to walk along to the pool and there was a tub of water that you had to dip your feet in to rinse off before climbing the ladder to the pool. if the pool had not been cleaned in a few days, you had to sit on the top of the ladder and wait for grandma or grandpa to vacuum the leaves up off the bottom of the pool. this took forever, and she would just look around while waiting. there were butterflies fluttering around the tiger lillies. she could see why they were called tiger lilies, they had the orange and the black spots and it did kind of make you think of a tiger. she looked around and saw the swing that she liked to sit on. hmm, maybe she should go there next.just behind the swings were some blueberry bushes. blueberries were fun to pick, but she did not care to eat them. there was just something weird to her about eating a berry off the bush. havent people died from eating berries? she was not going to risk it. beyond the berries, in the furthest part of the back yard was the vegetable garden. sometimes she would get to walk back there to help pick corn, tomatoes or beans. if she was really lucky, she would get to help smash the tomatoes and can them. she liked the smell of the dirt in the garden, it made her feel earthy, one with the earth. gardens were kind of magical.on the opposite side of the yard from the pool was her grandpa’s favorite hangout, other than his den. her dad had built a screened in gazebo for her grandfather. he had some lounge chairs out there, hay on the ground and a radio. he would lay out there on his chair, listen to football and sip his drinks for hours.
her family of five also took a trip to Florida that summer. two trips in one year! they went shopping for clothes before they left and she picked out a really cute green osh kosh bikini with pink poka dots. they went to Daytona beach and also went to Disney. her little brother had to wear a harness so he wouldnt get lost. her parents would not allow that to happen again! the lost him at the Atlanta zoo one time. he just disappeared. they searched all over inside the zoo, and did not find him until the started looking outside the zoo. he found a huge group of people having a family reunion, and they were giving him food to eat. he was completely happy and content and had no idea he had been missing. so he got a harnass this time to keep him from wandering off undetected. her older brother and she got imaginary dogs on a leash. all they had was a leash, but when you walked around carrying it, it looked like there was an imaginary dog on the end of it. it was the coolest toy ever! they had a nice hotel, there was a separate bedroom that her parents slept in, her little brother slept in a crib, and her older brother and she slept on a pull out bed.her stepdad said he wanted to take photos. he told her to put on her bathing suit and they all went outside to take the pictures. he had her make different poses. there was a really neat tree that had fallen over so she sat up on that tree, too, for the pictures. taking them was kind of fun but also a little strange to her. she did not feel completely comfortable, but she loved her bikini! on their way back, they stopped at a swamp to see some alligators. she didnt see any, they were all hiding, but this part of the trip was her little brother’s favorite part. he loved animals and was so excited. it was too bad that the alligators were not out to play!
she started first grade at the same school. Brooke was not in her new class, but they still saw each other outside at recess or at lunch. her teacher loved her because she was always finishing her work and then would ask if she could help with stuff. her teacher would let her cut out wall decorations that had been laminated and she even let her help grade papers. this year was going to be a fun year! her birthday was coming up, and her mom was going to let her invite some friends over for a costume party. she was so excited! there is a little bonus to having your birthday so close to Halloween! they were going to have games and cake! when the day came, she knew that Brooke was going to come, too, and she could not wait! all of the other kids showed up in their costumes and with their gifts. Brooke was the last to show, she walked in with her mom carrying the gift. the gift was inside a brown paper bag and covered with a brown paper bag. it was an unusual shape so they must have had a problem figuring out how to wrap it. when she took off the top bag, she found a koala bear lamp inside. the bear was soft and fuzzy and the cutest bear ever! this was her favorite gift!
shortly after her birthday, the moved about an hour and a half north from where they were living. right in the middle of first grade, of her favorite class with her favorite teacher, they moved away. they left Wendy and Brooke behind, probably to never see them again. they moved into a two story house out in the middle of the nowhere, deep in the woods, with a long driveway. she had her own bedroom and the boys shared a room upstairs. her parents had a room on the first floor that had its own fireplace!
her mom got a job as a waitress at a restaurant called Shoneys. her stepfather had a sales job. they started going to church. the only church she knew existed at this time was the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. her mom grew up going to this church with her mom, and it was all any of them new about. her stepfather and brother got baptized together. she could not wait until she was eight so she could get baptized, too! it was so majestic to see them wearing the white gowns that they all wore when somebody was being baptized. they all looked like angels to her. her mom made friends with some ladies at the church, and her brother was involved with the boy scouts. she was also in girl scouts. her mom had gotten her started with daisy’s the year before and she had moved up to brownies. but, the boys seemed to have so much more fun than she ever did. yes, she did get to go to a summer day camp one week and roast hot dogs over the fire, but he got to meet up with all troops from all over the state and enter competitions to see who could build the best hunting stand. at this competition is where she fell for one of the boys in her brother’s troop. he was so cute and she loved it when she had the opportunity to hang out with the troop so she could see him. her brother invited the boy to sleepover, and she was super excited! they went to the movie store and picked out some movies to watch. this was a fun and common pastime of theirs for the weekend. they usually came home with at least five movies to watch over the weekend. that particular night, they rented Top Gun. It had just come out on video, and they were all super excited to be able to finally watch it. she sat down on the floor next to the boy. they all sat on the floor, leaning up against the couch, with their cokes nearby and their bowls of popcorn in their laps. Top Gun was a great movie, but she paid very little attention to it. it was hard to pay attention when the boy she had a huge crush on was sitting right next to her!! she was sitting with her arms crossed, and he was sitting with his arms crossed, and all of a sudden, he grabbed her hand! what?!! okay, that was unexpected and thrilling! he liked her! it was all very secretive, nobody ever knew about it, but she did! she knew he liked her. when he left to go home, he gave her a smile, a secretive smile. he knew and she knew, but nobody else did. and nobody else ever would.
Winter came, as it always does. this winter brought a particularly memorable snow storm. she woke up in the middle of the night to complete darkness, other than the cat with his shiny eyes staring at her, and quiet. the house was unusually quiet. she got up from the bed and walked toward the window as there was an unusual brightness coming from the window. she looked out, at the same time she heard a cracking sound, and realized that the earth was covered with snow, which was reflecting the light of the moon. the woods had an eery look to them with the white snow covering the ground and the long, bare branches of the trees standing out like tall monsters with long black arms. she jumped back in bed and closed her eyes. she would not let the boogey man or any other monster know she was awake. quickly, she would fall back to sleep so she could wake up to the light and the safety of her family.
she stood at the edge of the yard, dressed in layers to keep her warm, and stared out into the snow covered forest. she thought for one quick moment of what it would be like to just start walking and keep on going. would she get lost? could she get lost? would anyone be able to find her? what was in the woods? the felt the woods calling to her, begging her to walk in. she turned around, ignoring that call, and joined her brothers and stepdad who were working hard at building a snowman. her stepdad had started rolling the balls from the end of the driveway all the way down to the house. now, they had to figure out how to stack them. this was the first time they ever had enough snow to actually build a snowman! unfortunately, with the snow storm, they also lost power, so they had to depend on the fireplace to warm them up when they went back inside. their clothes were soaked through. jeans are not the ideal clothes to wear, but it was all they had. they laid out the clothes as close to the fire as they could to try to warm and dry them. for a couple of nights, they all slept in her parents’ room so they could stay warm. when the power came back on, it was almost disappointing to have to go back to their own rooms. almost. she really liked having her own room, even though she liked to play with her brothers. she also liked having her own space.
they added to members to the family that year at the house in the woods. the first new member was a little sister. she was born in the spring with blond hair and blue eyes. she was a chubby, yet very pretty little baby. the other new member was a puppy they called Lady. Lady was named after Lady and the Tramp. after her sister was born, her mother had to go back to work. this time, her mom worked in the evenings, leaving the kids to be taken care of partially by her stepdad. he recruited her brother and her to be in charge of the baby while he took naps or busied himself with his own interests. he decided he liked to take pictures. he wanted her to be his model so he could practice taking photos. he came into her bedroom and picked out some clothing for her to wear so she could pose for him. he picked out a jean skirt, which she loved to wear, and a top. he grabbed some of her mom’s makeup to apply to her face. he then started to take photos of her in her bedroom. telling her which way to pose. it was kind of fun, but also made her feel a little uneasy. she liked to feel pretty, but she also felt uncomfortable that it was such a big deal for her to be dressed up and have make up. but, it is what he wanted to do, so she did it. she was her dad, and she loved him. she had two dads. at home with her mom, his name was dad. when she went to her real dad’s house, she called him by his name if they were talking about him. if she slipped up and called him dad in front of her real dad, her real dad would get so mad. he hated to hear her say that and told her, “I am your Dad!”. she had to be really careful around both of them. she had to make sure to call them dad, not call them by their name.
her stepdad decided that they could add even more responsibilities. apparently, they were capable of doing some chores around the house! they were bigger and older and it as time to start doing their part. if somebody had an attitude about having to clean dishes, it was to the corner you went! you can stand in the corner all night if that is what it took, but you were not allowed to leave that corner until you were ready to apologize. it was also time to quit sucking her thumb. quitting something like that was much harder to do when you automatically did it in your sleep. they bought a face thumb that had a hot spice to it and would burn your mouth if you put it in your mouth, but that did not work. when you go to sleep, you don’t feel the burn and by the time morning comes around, the spice has been sucked off. it was going to take more than some spice to get her to quit. she was ready, though. she remembered what happened to Ben when he was caught and she did not want that to happen to her at any time! she especially did not want her new boy crush to find out she sucked her thumb. what if her brother told him! she had to be strong and just make the decision to quit. so new chores included the dish washing and car washing and they (she) had to learn how to change her sister’s diaper, feed her and play with her. she had a rocky start. the first time she held her, she was sitting in a recliner. she wanted to push out the legs to the recliner, so she could recline, and when she put her arm down to grab the handle (with the baby in her lap and arms) the baby fell on to the floor. the arm she moved away was the arm she was holding the baby with! maybe first graders were not meant to be babysitters. this one definitely had some need of practice. of course, she was not left alone to babysit on her own, her stepfather was in the house when her mom left, but she was the one left to do most of the sitting.
as the days and weeks passed by, her stepfather seemed to get bored in the evenings, and after a long day at work, he decided he could really use a foot and shoulder massage. he had some kids to recruit, so that is what he did! he would tell her that she had to massage his feet. he would beg and make her feel like a mean person if she turned him down. he would say, “dont you love me?” and guilt her into massaging his stinky feet. sometimes, they were so stinky she would get a bowl of water to wash his feet in first. then she would massage his feet. he also demanded that his shoulders be massaged and the temples of his head, always complaining that everything hurt and the massages were needed to make him feel better. she hated giving massages. nobody wants to massage stinky feet or oily faces, and her fingers would always get tired. it was so incredibly boring to be sitting or standing there, massaging and massaging for the longest time. she wanted to go play. she would rather wash dishes or sweep the floor! a walk in the forest was looking better and better. why did she always get picked to be the one to do it? her little brother would volunteer sometimes, but that was because he initially thought it looked fun, but soon realized there was no fun in it. the foot massages and temple massages were a frequent request, and not just when her mom was at work. but even when her mom was home, he never recruited her to do the massage, which seemed completely unfair. why couldnt her mom give the massage? maybe she was mad because she was the one on her feet, serving people food, and SHE was the one who should get a massage!
Dad
they moved so far away. his kids were so far away. how can he be involved and watch over them if they live so far away? he was so mad at his ex and her husband for moving as far as they did. how could they do that? he told them that they are going to have to meet him halfway. that was not right for them to move and expect him to drive over an hour each way every other weekend. he wanted to see his kids, but they are going to have to work with him on this. he loved seeing his children. they were the highlight of his life. every moment he spent with them, he made sure that they knew that HE was their dad. not that other guy! HE was their DAD. he got so angry when his little girl would call him by his name. that was NOT okay! he was her Dad! and she better call him that! it was so hard knowing that some other man was raising his kids. some other man was being called dad, too. that guy had no right to be called dad, they were HIS kids! he paid child support! he picked them up every other weekend! he did everything he could to let them know who he was, and this other man was stealing them away a little more each day, calling the shots, making the rules. who did this guy think he was? so when the children were with him, he made sure to teach them everything he knew. he made sure to tell them all the stories he knew. he told them stories about his childhood, about his brain surgery, about his marriage with their mom, how his dad died, anything he could think of. he wanted to make sure they knew where they came from. he taught them how to shoot a basketball in the hoop, throw a frisbee, bowl, skate, play monopoly, do flips on the trampoline, fly a kite and paint. they learned how to build doghouses, how to use a hammer and saw. they also learned to drink water and eat the food that was given to them. his daughter would always turn her nose to the tuna fish sandwich, all because it had celery in it, or the peanut butter and jelly sandwich just because it was crunchy, and she always refused to eat the tomatoes in her salad. that girl was so picky, but he made her eat it anyway. if she did not eat it, he threatened to beat her with his belt. sometimes you had to show tough love. it worked. she ate the food. she may not have liked it, but she ate it.
his mom bought a rental in a place called Big Canoe up in North Georgia. she invited all the family to come up and check out the place. big canoe was a gated community that had homes that people lived in as their permanent residence, but there were also several condos and homes called “treetoppers” that people also rented for vacation. his mom bought a treetopper, which essentially was a round building on what looked like stilts, but was actually supported by a lower level which hosted the washer and dryer and utilities. big canoe was in fact a big place. they had a grocery store of their own, a lake and pool, parks and a rock slide. if you were really brave, which he was, of course, since he was a man, they had a high dive on the pier in the lake. he loved jumping off of high dives, and encouraged both of his kids to jump. his son was not hard to convince, but his daughter was a little more scared. she was a girl, so not surprised, but he pushed her to do it, to face her fear and jump. he was so proud when she jumped! his brave little girl jumped! she said she would never do it again, and that was fine with him. the rock slide was everyone’s favorite. if you brought a garbage bag with you to sit on, you went so much faster down the slide. there were actually two parts to it, so you just slid down one into a pool of water and then down another. then, back up you went to do it all over again. they would hang out there for hours, sliding down the rock slide. he loved this place. he loved spending time with his kids and he loved being out in nature doing it. thank God for his mother and her real estate business!
he and his wife were not getting along anymore. the fights had increased and their relationship just was not working out. on a saturday night, when his kids were downstairs in the basement, they had their final fight. her kids were at their dad’s house, so she just walked out, alone, got into her car, and left. it was over. she was done, and he was done. there was nothing left to save. he walked into the kitchen, grabbed the carton of mint chocolate chip ice cream and three spoons, and walked down the stairs. he found his children sitting at the computer. his son was so smart with the computer. he was playing a game. he sat down next to his daughter and handed her a spoon. his son paused his game and turned toward them. he handed him the spoon, and all three of them dug into the carton of ice cream. he told them that she had left. that they were getting a divorce. it was a sad time for him, and it was so disappointing to have to tell his children that he failed, once again, as a man. he is losing a second wife. he told his kids that he would never get married again.
he may never marry again, but he will always want to have a woman around. he likes women, a lot. he went to the bar frequently to see what he could find. he was a smooth talker, could dance and was actually pretty good at holding a conversation. it was not hard to find women to go home with. he would be okay.
now that his wife had moved out, he had to furnish the bedrooms for his kids. they never had their own bed the whole time he was with his second wife. they were going to need beds! she left behind the waterbed, so his son could have that. he decided to build a twin for is daughter. she would love it! he got to work so he could have it ready to sleep on when she came over next. he was so proud to see the final product, something he built! hey, he builds furniture, too! slap some two by fours together and poof! you have a bed! his daughter was not a excited as he hoped for. she did not appreciate the hard work of his hands. kids.
when an adult moves out, that income also moves out. he could not afford the house on his own, but refused to sell. he had his shop there! he needed to hold on to this place for as long as possible. he put out an ad for a roommate. he has done this before, he can do it again! he got several calls, one being a lady with a child of her own. she had a solid job, perfect! it turned out not so perfect. the lady moved in and only stayed for a short time. turns out she is a witch! a real witch! she got so mad at him, she put a curse on him. she was crazy and he could not have craziness in his house. he continued to keep a search out for a roommate.
Daughter
she was getting settle in at her new school. it was not easy changing schools. the first day is always scary, everyone already knows the routine and now she had to catch up. her new first grade teacher was nice, just not the same as the one in her old school. she got really mad at her class after being out for a couple of days. their substitute teacher let them color on the chalkboard. it was their greatest idea! they decided to cover the whole chalkboard with pictures and a “we miss you” message to their teacher. they were so excited for her to come back and see her message. they were certain that she would be so thankful for their thoughtful message. well, she was not. she was super mad that they used up all of her chalk and that she had to come in and clean the whole board before she could get started with her work. she did not let them have recess because of it!
she did make some friends, and in fact there was another new girl that came in after her. her name was Jill. she was really nice, and really cared about her work. she would encourage her to stay in the class when the kids went to recess so they could practice writing their letters perfect like their teacher. they would write really slow and carefully. when they didnt go out for recess, the kids liked to have Checkers tournaments. she could play this! she may not be old enough for monopoly yet, but she could play this! they all liked to play War with the playing cards, too. any time she had an opportunity to beat somebody at a game, she took it. she found great satisfaction especially if she could beat a boy at a game.
when second grade came around, she was feeling pretty good. she had new faces in her class, and the ones that really stuck out to her were the twin girls. they reminded her of her summer camp that she went to when she was around three or four. her parents made her go to a day camp, which was actually pretty fun. she got a red coca cola shirt from there that she loved. she also met a set of twins that blew her mind away. they were brother and sister! she did not know that was possible! once her camp leader explained to her that there were two types of twins, she found the whole idea of having a boy and a girl to be absolutely the coolest ever! she hoped that one day she would give birth to a set of boy and girl twins.
that year, she got invited to her first birthday party, actually two birthday parties. one was a boy in her class and the other was for the twins. they all had their party at the local skating rink, one right behind the other, so she got to have cake twice and skate for hours with her classmates. she had the time of her life! they even had a small cake fight, which was so fun. they had cake all over their faces and clothes. the parents were not too happy, but they had a blast! for her birthday, her mom set up a party at some place that was hosted by a local man-sized squirrel. he was all about saving money. all the kids showed up, they sang songs and played games and then the squirrel handed out booklets to each child. the booklets were designed to help you save up to ten dollars in quarters. there were little sleeves to slip each quarter in. once you saved up the ten dollars, you could then go to the bank and start a savings account. she was thrilled at the idea of having so many quarters! now, she just needed to figure out how to get them.
Dad
Once again, his kiddos are moving to another home. at least, this time it is a little closer to him. still far away, but a little bit closer. that makes him feel so much better, just knowing they are not as far. his ex and her husband bought a house. he was happy for them. maybe this would mean that they would actually stick around in the same place for a little while. he was happy for them to no longer be on drugs. he thought it was great that they went to church and were trying to do the right thing.
while he watched things improve for them, life was getting a little bit tougher for him. he was having a hard time keeping up with the bills, but he worked hard! he went out to see if he could add some Ace stores to his list. he drove to as many as he could, working to sell his product. he got really lucky several times with some large orders. they were large enough to have to recruit some help! he would even have his son and daughter help out to keep the flow of building the little houses. he was so proud of his work. he was making it! he did it without the government’s help, too. before his second wife left him, his neighbors thought they would complain about the noise from the saw and hammer that he used during the day to build his doghouses. he fought back! he had an article written about him in the Marietta journal that told his story. he was self employed! he was half blind and had had brain surgery, and instead of using the government to wipe his butt, he took care of himself! he won that battle, too. he did not work before eight or after six. he worked within reasonable buisness hours and his neighbors would just have to deal with it!
he decided that his little girl should have a play house of her own at his house. he just made a super sized dog house and added a window to it with a little ledge. he set it up in the back yard next to their trampoline. he was so excited to show it to her when she came for the weekend. as he expected, she was super happy to have her own playhouse! she ran inside the house to grab some of her toys that she kept at his house and brought them out to the house. it was a great addition to the trampoline. he was so proud of what he could build with his hands.
Sadly, a few months later, he realized that he was going to have to seriously consider selling his house. he just could not afford it and finding a steady roommate that did not practice witchcraft seemed to be the hardest thing to do. he knew he was going to have to do something with the playhouse and the trampoline. he called up his first wife and asked if they would like him to bring up the trampoline and house for the kids to play with in their backyard. at least, they would have more opportunity to play with it anyway since they were there most of the time. she had no problem with that, so he loaded everything up onto his truck and drove it up to their new home. the kids were surprised, but happy to have their toys more readily available. it saddened him to sell house, but it was necessary. he was going to have to move in with his mom again until he could find something else. he rented a shop so he could work, sold the house and moved in with his mom.
Daughter
they moved, again! this time, it was in the middle of second grade! ugh! she hated this! she was feeling good about her class and her classmates, going to birthday parties. life was going fine! now, she had to start all over again in the middle of school. she had to learn where everything was and make new friends again. her new teacher was actually really sweet and the kids all seemed nice enough. in this class, they got to have show and tell on Fridays. one of the Fridays, she brought in her koala bear lamp. she loved that lamp and missed her friend. when she got two pound puppies for Christmas, she named one of them Brooke, after her friend. the other was named Luke, after her first boyfriend from kindergarten. She was going to keep that lamp forever.
their new house was yellow, two stories and had a steep front and back yard. it was built on a hill. she got to have her own bedroom upstairs. her brothers shared a room upstairs as well and then her little sister had a bedroom downstairs since she was a baby and slept in a crib. her parents also slept downstairs. they bought the house, it was their first house that they actually owned! the neighborhood was still be developed, so there were roads with no houses. when they got go-karts for Christmas that year, they would always take off down those roads because no cars were down there. sometimes, they would take off down the dirt roads, but those got bumpy and a little bit uncomfortable.
her mom still worked at the restaurant, but her stepdad had gotten a job selling insurance. they were doing okay! there were a lot of kids in the neighborhood, so there was always something to do. a lot of the time, though, if they went out to play, they had to take their little brother and sister with them. that was not so fun. not everyone wants you to come over and play if you have little kids tagging along. it was kind of a drag. some of the kids didnt mind, though, especially the girls if she brought her baby sister with her. all girls love to play with babies!
along with the go-karts, they also adopted some bunnies. they kept them in a cage that her stepdad built, under the back deck. every day she had to go check on the bunnies to feed them. the worst part about having the bunnies is their poop would pile up under their cage and would roll outwards, so when you stepped up to the cage, you could not avoid stepping on the poop. it was gross and they smelled really bad. after a while, they ended up dying. she was not totally disappointed about that. they were stinky and not very fun. she never could take them out of the cage to play with them. what fun is that?
at the second school of her second grade year, she made her first best friend, Rhiannon. rhiannon had a uniqueness to her that she had never known anyone else to have until this point. she was half Japanese. she was super smart and nice, and had some interesting stories to tell about her trip to Japan. she told her that her grandfather liked to go to the casino, and while they were there he won a bunch of money. sometimes she wear a shirt that had picture of a little girl on it and in Japanese it said, “i love my grandparents”. she was just so amazed that there was another language that people spoke! who knew?! her friend did not speak the language, but she did know some words that her dad taught her.
they came upon some hard times, times that they had very little food to eat, so they church would provide food. she absolutely hated the ketchup, which they called catsup. it tasted nothing like the normal ketchup. eventually, they stopped going to church. she was not sure why other than the fact that her mom wanted to smoke again and drink coffee, and her stepdad wanted to drink tea and smoke. they could not go to church if they did not follow the rules, so they quit going altogether. she was not going to get baptized. she had turned eight and was ready, but it would not happen at that time. she had no opportunity.
Her dad sold his house on Tina lane. she was happy to have their trampoline at their new house, and her play house, but it was a sad day to think that she would never go back to that house again. they had a lot of fun times there, and it was within walking distance to her cousin’s house. now they were going to have to drive so far in order to visit her cousin! she and her brother would just walk over there sometimes to play when her dad was working on the weekend. he would come over later when he was finished and join them for card games or monopoly. the drive home was only about five minutes. when her dad moved into her grandmother’s house, the drive was so much longer! and when he bought another house on Goldfield, the drive became thirty minutes! it took forever! and she hated sitting at the red lights to wait, because that made the trip even longer! sometimes, her dad would count down, “3, 2, 1” and the light would turn green as soon as he said “go!”. she could not figure out how he did timed that so well, because every time he said “go!”, the light would turn green at the same time. whenever she would try that trick, only rarely did it ever work for her. he was so smart!
Rhiannon wanted to sign up for a beauty pagent. she asked her to join her in the pageant so they could go together. that sounded super fun! her friend thought that she was actually pretty enough to try! Rhiannon was beautiful and definitely could possibly win. her mom was fine with her signing up for the pageant and they came up with a great idea to get her hair permed for the event. she was going to have curly hair! her grandmother took her shopping for a dress and they found a beautiful pink dress with tons of ruffles that ran all along the dress from top to bottom. she was super excited! when the day came, they fixed her hair, her crazy curly hair, put some makeup on her face and off she went dressed in her new pink dress! waiting in line with her friend to get called out to stage made her feel very nervous. they kept getting closer and closer to the stage. finally they called her friend, and she walked out on the stage. she was so pretty! then it was her turn. she walked out on the stage trying to remember to smile. she did her turn and then walked off the stage. she did it! now she wonders if she will win! turns out, neither won or placed. she just was not pretty enough to be in a pageant. she did not really think that she would win, but she was secretly hoping that she would.
some things changed with her stepdad’s work. he lost his job and was working on finding a new job. he was always in sales, so he even tried selling the rainbow vacuum cleaners. they were pretty good vacuum cleaners, just annoying because you had to fill the little container with water and attach everything before you could use the machine. then, when you were finished with it, you had to dump the dirty water out and clean out the container before you put it away. it was a lot of work just to vacuum the floor, and it was heavy.
her mother still worked as a waitress at the same restaurant. whenever she was gone and her stepdad were gone to work on the weekend, it was up to her older brother and her to babysit. they were in charge of making breakfast and lunch, taking care of their little brother and sister and they had to clean the house. her stepdad said he would come by and check for dust. if any dust was found, it was the paddle for them! he had built a paddle at the house in the woods. he had even drilled holes all in it so it would swing faster. she was NOT interested in testing that out! they worked hard at cleaning and making sure that everything was done as he wanted. the biggest issue was their little brother. he would cause trouble and they would get into fights. when his dad came home, he would tattle and that is when the paddle finally came out! we had to pull down our pants, bend over and touch our knees. wham! wham! wham! oh my God!! that was so painful! her savior was her real father. when he heard about the paddling, he raised hell. this man was not allowed to use a paddle on his kids! they should come up with a different method of punishment! the paddles were never used again.
one evening, she was hanging out with her mom. she had come home from work, and her mom was counting her change from the tips she made, rolling her coins. her mom was telling her stories about when she was a kid and how she met her dad. she always had a hope chest sitting at the end of her bed and she asked her mom if she could look through it. of course. so she started rummaging through the chest, pulling out some keepsake items that belonged to all the kids. she also found a diary that belonged to her mom. she asked if she could read it. her mom wrote very little, just mostly about her going out after school with her friends, and about a boy that lived in her neighborhood. he went to church with her and was going to be leaving to go on a two year mission. she was in love with him, and did not want him to leave. what was she going to do all that time? she also got high a lot. that was it. that was all that was in her diary. she liked the idea of writing in a diary. maybe she could do that, too! she would ask for one next time her birthday or christmas came around!
one evening, when it seemed everyone was gone except her stepdad and her, she found herself in a very odd situation. he told her to take a bath, maybe because she had been playing outside all day and stunk, or maybe she had not taken a bath in a while. either way, he told her to take a bath, downstairs. so, she obeyed. she was in the bathtub when he came in. he offered to help her wash herself. it was okay, he was her dad and she was still a kid. it was fine, people still did this all the time. kids need help cleaning themselves! he put soap on the washcloth and proceeded to wash her back and arms. he told her to stand up so he could wash her legs. he then washed her behind and in her privates! the soap burned as he washed her privates! she was trying to cover herself up while he was washing her, feeling very uncomfortable and shy. he kept telling her to stop feeling ashamed, to feel proud of her body. when she stepped out of the tub, he helped dry her body, continuing to tell her about the human body and how amazing it is. we should be proud of our bodies! he walked her out of the bathroom and made her stand there in the hallway. he pointed into the bedroom that belonged to her sister. the blinds to the window were raised and it was dark outside. with the lights on, you could see your reflection in the window. he said, “look” and she looked at herself. he told her she was beautiful and to be proud of her body. he then opened his robe so that he was also standing their naked. we were humans, and we should be proud of our nakedness. it was all very natural.
her stepdad taught her things like that, while he taught her brother how to build model cars, remote controlled cars and airplanes. her stepgrandfather liked to fly the planes out in open fields. they never seemed to work, though, so she never actually saw one fly. the cars did work. they would build their cars, paint them and then take them to races where other people brought their remote controlled cars. they let her tag along one time so she could see them race. boys always had the fun toys. she had Madonna to sing to, barbies and face jewelry and makeup to play with. they had matchbox car towns and remote control car races.
her stepdad liked outdoor activities. sometimes, he would take all of them up to the mountains so they could have a picnic and see the views. when fall came around, all the leaves changed colors and the mountain valleys were so beautiful to look out at. she did not like the feeling in her stomach as they drove up and down through the mountains, but she loved looking out and seeing how high they were going. she loved looking out and seeing all the trees. their leaves were so beautiful with the yellows, reds and oranges. She always loved fall, as it always meant her birthday was right around the corner.
it snowed again. they never got much snow during the winters, so when it did snow, the towns shut down, the schools close and you get to spend the time off playing outside in the freezing yet magestic, white snow. this time, her stepdad took them on a walk into the woods. they lived in a very rural area with a forest surrounding them all the way around the neighborhood. they took off, walking into the white forest. they found deer trails and a bubbling brook. they walked and walked and walked, just her stepdad, her brothers and her. she had to pee and the house was too far away. her stepdad told her to go squat behind a tree. she was supposed to squat and pee outside in the snow! it was so cold! and trees were not large enough to hide her! she had to wander off a little bit to find an area that she could hide behind. as she worked on going about her business, she listened for intruders. there was no sound in the forest but the occassional breaking and falling of a tree branch. the forest was so peaceful and she felt she could just stay out there forever. she wanted to keep walking and get lost in the woods, but their adventure was coming to an end. they had to walk back home. back to cleaning, babysitting, school and foot massages.
She made it through second grade and the whole third grade year before they had to move again. Third grade brought the best movie ever, Dirty Dancing. she watched every day the entire summer after third grade. there was not much else to do when the parents were working and you had to stay inside and babysit. they received some news at the end of the school year. her mom was pregnant again. this will be baby number five for her! she did not know how her mom got pregnant again, so she asked her some questions. her mom opened up a book about pregnancy, how reproduction works and what the baby will look like as it grows in her womb. the book also showed some pictures of where the baby is delivered from and how the baby comes out. she was absolutely amazed! she saw her mother in a whole new light. she was like an angel, carrying this precious life inside of her. there was a little person inside, developing hands and feet and eyes, and it was all happening inside of her mother’s belly! she reached over and touched her mother’s stomach. she was going to have a baby! yes, she had already experienced having a new little brother and new little sister, but this time was different. the other two just showed up one day. this time, she was going to understand and realize what was happening. she had the book to look at, and she could ask questions that her mom was more than willing to answer. this time, she had questions.
that summer, they went on vacation to Florida. they were going to camp for the whole week. after the first day, and her stepdad and brother came back from fishing all day, red as lobsters, they packed up and drove all the way back home. her stepdad was miserable and did not want to spend the week camping. they unloaded all the camping gear and then drove all the way back to Florida to stay in a hotel instead. she was fine with that, camping in Florida in the middle of summer was a miserable way to vacation. she remembered from the year before, when they camped in Florida. it was so hot, you could barely sleep at night. you never felt like you got all the sticky salt off your body because you were always sweating and sticky. that trip was the scariest one of her life. her older brother and she had walked over to the oceanside of the campground alone. they decided to get in, and went a little too far.the current started to pull them out further and her brother was not capable of pulling both of them in. she went under water and came back up, kicking her feet, but she just was not strong enough to fight the current. she was pulling her brother down with her. they were both going to drown! they were not strong enough! she glimpsed some men standing just inside at the water’s edge and she yelled out and waved her arms, and then she went back under. all of a sudden, she felt herself being pulled up out of the water, the man grumping at them for going out so far. we should not be in the water without our parents!
that trip was also very fun because they found the jackpot location for sand dollars and blue crabs! the brought a cooler and a float, and all six of them (yes, baby sister too!) walked along the bayside and pulled up a ton of sand dollars and crabs. when they went back to the campsite, her stepdad cleaned up the crab and they ate it for dinner. she did not eat it. eating crab did not sound in any way appetizing. she did not like seafood anyway, unless it was tuna from a can. and the tuna could only be mixed with miracle whip. she did not like the way her dad made tuna with celery mixed in. she hated the crunch of the celery. sometimes he would forget that and make her eat it anyway. if she did not eat it, he would threaten her with his belt. she had been paddled, she did not want to feel the belt, too. they brought the sand dollars back home. her mother bleached them and set them outside to dry. it was fascinating to see them turn so white! they looked like the sand dollars that can be bought in the souvenir shops. she never knew that they were actual live sea creatures to start!
when they came back from their vacation, there was discussion between the adults about selling the house and moving to Florida. they loved Florida so much, they became very serious about moving. they sold their furniture, washer and dryer, go-karts, anything and everything that they could to sell so they had the least amount to move as possible. there was talk to her dad about moving to Florida, and he was so mad! he was going to take them to court! she was not sure how she felt about moving to Florida. she did know that she did not like changing schools, but if they moved in the summer, at least she would not have to switch schools in the middle of the year. that summer, they spent many hours sitting in front of a 20 inch black and white television, playing zelda on their nintendo, as there was not much else to do in the house with everything having been sold. they did not even have a couch or chair to sit on, they just sat on the floor in the living room, playing the game.
they did not move to Florida, but they did move out of their house and into her stepgrandparents’ house. they had bought a house just down the street in the same neighborhood. living there was like a prayer being answered for her, no more massages. they had lost their house to something her parents called foreclosure. she was not sure what exactly that meant, only that they could not afford to live there anymore. her stepdad worked on finding a job while they lived with her grandparents. she did not mind living there as they were right next door to two of their good friends, Lisa and Kristina. they were nice girls. neither were in her grade, so she did not get to see them at school much, but they always were ready to play outside of school. they taught her how to shuffle cards. they liked to play rummy, so they would spend hours playing and she got plenty of opportunities to practice shuffling cards. they also did not celebrate any holidays, including their birthdays! they said it had something to do wiht their religion and their mom would not allow it. she started fourth grade living in their house, another year that she got to share a class with her best friend, Rhiannon. they were like soul sisters. they just naturally were good friends. when the day came that she was told they would be moving to another town, they were both heartbroken! she had been at this school, with these same kids, for the longest time yet and now she had to move again! one kid she would not be sorry to leave. his name was Shannon. he was in her second grade class and now again in her fourth grade class. she could not stand the sight of him. he was always getting into trouble, and he was always making sexual gestures toward her. he made her sick. when they were in second grade, they all went on a field trip. when they were walking down the aisle of the school bus, he was walking right in front of her. he reached behind him and grabbed her in her private area! she told him to stop that! he then laughed and reached behind him again to grab her a second time! she yelled for the teacher and told her what he had done. why did he think he could do that? he was such a bad kid!! she hated him!
She and Rhiannon promised to keep in touch, to write each other and call each other. Her stepdad had gotten a job at a car dealership, her mom had gotten a job at a Shoney’s that was located in the same town as the dealership, so that is where they moved. shortly after her tenth birthday, they moved into a house on Impala Dr. they had very little furniture, so she slept on an army cot for much of her time living in that house. it was in this house that the family came up with the newest member of the family’s name. they all wrote down names that they liked and then the names were placed in a hat. the first name drawn was her first name, the second name drawn was her middle name. she was so excited about the new baby coming! her mother’s belly grew bigger and bigger, and her mom ended up leaving work to be on bed rest for the last month or so that she was pregnant. this made her happy. her mom was home which meant less time alone with her stepdad and oddly enough, less time that she had to spend giving foot or temple massages.
starting another new school, in the middle of the school year, was much harder this time. when she was younger, it seemed so much easier to do. this time, she felt less secure, less pretty, and unwanted. there was a girl in her class that rode her bus and lived just down the street from them who was really nice to her. she had the prettiest smile and beautifully thick, brown hair. her name was Brooke. she, of course, liked the name a lot since she had had a friend before named Brooke. She and Brooke would play after school most of the time, but sometimes at school they did not hang out as much. there were other girls in her class that were possessive of Brooke’s friendship and would push her away. one girl in particular was adamant about making sure she knew that Brooke was “her Brooke”. girls in fourth grade were a lot meaner than the years before. there were a few times when they all decided they did not like her. if she and Brooke had any conflict, they all would side with Brooke and gang up against her. sometimes they would walk by her desk and whisper mean things. it was unbearable at times. going to school, to a class with people that did not like her was the absolute hardest thing she had ever had to do. for the most part though, outside of school, Brooke was her friend no matter what. they may have conflicts sometimes, and she may make bad decisions (like step on Brooke’s brand new white keds- that created a major bashing at school!) because she would get so upset, but they remained friends. they would work it out. they would apologize and move on. as they continued to hang out more, she discovered that Brooke had been adopted. wow! she did not expect this. this whole concept was new to her! she had never met anyone that had been adopted before. why would a mother give up her child? how sad she must be to not know her real parents or know why they did not want to keep her. she also found it really cool that she had parents that wanted to adopt her, and they loved her so much. there was something special about Brooke. she knew it, the girls at school knew it, and the parents knew it. Brooke was full of energy and life, and people were drawn to her like a bug to a light. you could not help but love her and want to be loved back by her. so, no matter what, if they had a fight, they always made up.
Dad
he finally got a house of his own, one that he bought all on his own. the basement had a garage door that he was able to pull up to to load up his doghouses. he called them canine condos. he was so proud of his business, he even had an advertisement on the radio! he finished a couple of rooms in the basement, one for his office and the other for his kids. he built an extra large table for the playroom so they could build the train set. they had had the trainset for years, but never had the space to lay it all out and build the city around it. now, they could build it and add to it.
he loved spending time with his little boy and little girl. he was super excited to take them camping, he picked them up one weekend and took them to the lake. they set up their tent, pulled out the fishing poles and got right to it. none of them ate the fish, they just liked to catch them and then throw them back into the water. he looked across the water to the other side of the lake. their campsite was in a little cove. he thought he could definitely swim across it. he jumped in the water and swam across and then back again. his daughter and son were so impressed, cheering him on! when he got out of the water, he looked out and saw an island that looked not far away. how cool would it be to swim to it? they could just take a couple of the floats and make their way across the lake to the island! he made the suggestion to the kids, they were in agreement! so they grabbed a couple of the floats and started on their way. his daughter and son used one float, and he used the other. they kicked and paddled their arms in the water to push the floats along. they continued like this for a while, a long while. it did not take long before the kids started to complain about being tired, their arms and legs getting tired. they were only about halfway to the island. they still had a long way to go. their float started to lose air, and no matter how fast they tried to blow into it, the float continued to lose air faster than they could put it in. he got off his float and told them to grab on to his float. all three of them held on to the one float left and started kicking not toward the island, but back to the main land. this was getting more dangerous, as they were getting tired and were down to one float to keep them all above water. the second float also started to lose air. he blew and blew unto the float as they continued to kick toward the land. his daughter started to cry and he started to get really worried. they had to make it to land! he encouraged them to keep kicking! almost there! as he blew into the float, they kept kicking harder and harder. eventually, they made it back to land. only, they did not make it to their campsite. they walked out of the water, barefoot and carrying the deflated float. they were in the campground, but they were going to have to walk to the campsite. the pavement was hot, it was the middle of the summer and there was little shade from the trees to cool down the road. they would walk on the shaded part and then run to the next shaded part when the road was without shade. it was so hot! but at least they were on land! he would take the hot road and live children over the alternative any day. maybe swimming to the island was not a good idea. not one of his best moments.
he met somebody. he was at the mall and walked by a lady who was sitting on the floor crying. this was not something you saw everyday and he wanted to make sure she was okay. he walked over to her to check on her. she did not want to say what she was crying about, so he asked her if she wanted to get something to eat. maybe that would cheer her up. she agreed, so they went out for some mexican food. he loved mexican food and had a favorite restaurant that he liked to go to to get a burrito. he thought it was a fantastic place to eat because they gave him free chips and salsa! you can’t beat that! the salsa was nice and spicy. they ate and talked for hours. she was not the prettiest lady he had ever met, but she was very nice and laughed at his jokes. he invited her over to his place, which she accepted. it was all set from there. she was hooked! he was a catch after all, what was not to like about this handsome guy? she lived with her mother, had two adult sons and worked for a collections company. she would come over on the weekend and stay overnight. he couldn’t wait for her to meet his kids! he was sure that they would love her!
his daughter did not love her. she was full of attitude when she came to visit for the weekend and his new lady was around. he thought for sure that they would get along, but they did not. not with his daughter’s attitude. she had gotten used to it being just the three of them, and now was showing jealousy that another female was in the house. when he decided that he wanted to marry this woman, his daughter accused him of lying to her. she reminded him of the day when they at the tub of ice cream and he had said he would never marry again. when were they going to do something, just the three of them again? well, never. he was getting married and his new wife would always be around. it was time to get over it and stop the attitude.
despite the attitude, they had a lot of fun on the weekends. he would take them to the mall to rent a tape recorder so they could make movies. they loved making videos! they made up their own plays of the little red riding hood story and the Christmas Carol, and the kids learned how to do “magic tricks” with the camera. they used the camera so much, he decided to buy one instead of renting it from the radio shack.
when they went to his mom’s for Christmas, he came up with the idea to cover the right half of the lense of the camera so that everyone could see what he sees. they all seemed to forget that he was half blind and talked to him like he was crazy whenever he reminded them that he could not see on his right. he was so tired of having to tell everyone the same thing, especially after all of these years! it made him so mad! he thought it would be a great idea to make the video this way so they could see what he sees. maybe they would finally get it in their head! maybe they would stop talking down to him like he was stupid, like he was a little kid. his woman didn’t treat him that way. she was kind and patient and stood up for him. she supported him in all of his ideas and plans. he was the love of his life and he was so glad that he was going to marry her. he would sing, “if you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. from my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you”. it was true! she may not be pretty, but she was the best woman on this planet.
Daughter
The time spent at her dad’s was cherished, as it gave her a break from her everyday life. it was a break from school, from babysitting, cleaning, cooking and giving the horrendous massages. she cherished her time with her dad, as they were always having fun. they would either go bowling or skating, playing card games or monopoly, or visiting her cousins’ house. sometimes, they would visit her grandmother, and she would get to see her aunts and cousins if they were visiting as well. her dad had three sisters and a brother. the oldest sister still lived up north. she had a son and daugher who were around the same ages as her brother and her. they always visited at Christmas time. they always had so much fun playing together. they would start off a little shy, but that quickly dissipated. it was always so hard to say goodbye for another year. when they got a little older, she would exhange letters with her cousin over the course of the year so they could keep up with each other. talking on the phone was out of the question since it was long distance and cost too much money. her dad’s older brother also had a daughter and a son. they were older than her, but his daughter was always so sweet. she loved seeing her when they all came to town for a visit. they used to live on the lake, or right across from the lake, and when grandmother had a pontoon boat, she would invite everyone up to hang out on the boat for the day. there was one time that they all attempted to go camping on an island that they named after themselves. apparently nobody watched the news to check on the weather report. that night brought a severe thunder and lightning storm. the rain poored down and caused flooding in their tent. they had to run out of their tent, as it was being blown and dragged away by the wind and the rain. they joined their cousins in their tent, but got very little sleep that night. her dad was the middle child. he then had two younger sisters who had no children. the second to youngest had been married, but that marriage ended due to the husband being a very abusive man. she remembered their wedding. they had miniature cucumber sandwiches cut into triangles. she had thought that they were the cutest little sandwiches and wanted to eat all of them. her grandmother had worn the neatest dress. it was a pale blue with white pearls all over the dress. when she gave her grandmother a hug, she reached out to touch one of the pearls. what a cool dress! she was fascinated that somebody would wear a dress with pearls all over them.
when her dad starting bringing a new lady around, she was not very happy about it. she liked having just the three of them, and now every weekend that they came over, there were four of them. her brother was totally fine with this new arrangement, but she was not. she did not want to be hugged or kissed by this lady. her hugs were smothering and her lips were wet and soft and felt like she was being kissed by a slug. the lady told her she always wanted to have a little girl, and now she did! when her father told her that they were going to get married, she was so mad! she acted happy for them, but she was mad! she was told to have a good attitude, so she put on a show, but she did not like this one lady one bit. she did not trust her. she did not like her. she did not understand why her dad liked her. but he did, so she acted nice whenever they came over for the weekend, and if she had to, she would put up with the hug and kiss on the cheek. she fake smiled and fake acted like she was happy to be around her, but she just was not. for years, she would do all she could to be nice and cordial, but they would never have a good relationship. if she ever had the slightest attitude, that lady would jump on her dad’s defense.
when they were planning to get married, she was asked to be in the wedding. that was actually not a bad idea, and she did perk up a little with excitement at the thought of being in the wedding. it was going to be her and some lady that worked with her soon to be stepmom. on the day of the wedding, this extra person came over to help them all with hair and makeup. she was really tall and large and had super poofy hair and tons of makeup. when she finished with her own hair and makeup, she felt like a clown. her hair was super poofy and she had too much makeup. she went into the bathroom and wiped some of the make up off and attempted to calm down the hair. yes, it was sometime in the 1980’s but she did have a slight sense of style, and her hair was definitely in need of help!
their wedding was nice. they got married in a church and then had the reception in her dad’s house. her brother and she used the video camera to record them cutting the cake and smashing it in each others’ faces. they were really cute together and were always laughing and cutting up. maybe things would be okay.
when her new stepmom moved in, she brought in her own furniture, some of which was passed down into her own bedroom at her dad’s house. she now had a full sized bed and a real dresser. her twin sized bed, that her dad had made, then went to her room at her mom’s house. she was able to sleep on a real bed instead of an army cot!
her sister was finally born on a cold february day. her older brother and she were allowed to wait at the hospital until the baby was born. her mother and stepdad went up to the labor and delivery floor and left the two of them downstairs in the main lobby. they were told to stay in that area until her stepdad came to get them. they read, they played cards, they walked around the gift shop and bought another game to play. the game was called Catastrophe. they had that game for years afterwards, but that day was the only day that they ever played it. they waited for hours. at one point, they were so bored, they decided to ride the elevator up to another floor and see what they could find. they walked down a dark hallway and ran into a man that worked in the hospital. he yelled at them and told them to go back to where they came from. they should not be wandering down halls! they went back to the lobby and waited for more hours. a few times, her stepdad came down to tell them what was going on. they were just waiting on the baby. it got so late, her stepdad came down one last time to bring them up to the floor her mom was on. the nurses had an extra room to let them sleep in while they continued to wait. she fell asleep on one of the beds in the room. at some point, she was told in her sleep state that her mother had the baby. she had to have a cesarean, but the baby was finally here! she fell back sleep until her stepdad came to take them to see their new sister in the nursery. they walked down the hallway to the nursery, looked through the window, and there she was! a little pink baby all snug in her blanket! she was so happy that the waiting was over! after that, they all went home to get some rest. soon, the baby would come home and she would be able to see her everyday.
her mom always seemed to be tired and grumpy. she did not want to be woken up in the morning. if she did not want to go to school, she had to knock on the bedroom door in the morning to tell her mom that she did not feel well, and her mom would be so angry to be waken up. she would tell her, OK, and then would roll over. it was actually quite easy to not go to school, because her mom never got out of bed to actually check on her. she would just say okay and that was it. she always took advantage of the maximum number of days she could miss school, which usually was around 28 days. she guessed that nobody cared or looked into it because she still made excellent grades even when she missed a tenth of the school year. she just had to say her stomach hurt, and then she would have the day off. she usually enjoyed those days, as she would normally have them to herself due to the adults being at work and the younger kids at daycare. with her mom home with the new baby, she actually had to feign not feeling well the whole day, but that was okay. she really did not want to go to school, ever. the girls were not nice, she basically had no friends except for Brooke after school. her brother had friends, or at least a friend. she missed their old house, their old school and her old friends, she missed Rhiannon. at school, nobody wanted to share their markers, nobody wanted to talk to her at lunch, and at recess, nobody wanted to play with her. she sometimes would just sit on the curb and wish that she was a troublemaker and had time out like some of the other kids. at least, then, she would have something to “do”. at recess, she looked pathetic and friendless, which she was. she tried to tag along with some kids from her class, but nobody was really interested in engaging with her. no smile, no encouragement from anyone. she tried talking to the quiet, shy kids from class, and still nothing. nobody wanted to be her friend. she thought it must be because she was ugly, because her clothes were ugly, her teeth and her hair. everything about her was ugly and nobody wanted to be around her.
school came to an end. her sister was a few months old now, and brooke wanted to come by to see her new sister. they hung out for a little while and got into a discussion about the places they had lived. brooke had moved up to this town a couple years before from the same town that they had lived in previously. as they dug into where each person lived, they discovered that they had gone to the same school! Brooke was the SAME Brooke that had worn the ponytail on top of her head! she was the Same girl! they were so excited to discover that they had known each other before! she forgot about her birthday party and that the same girl with the ponytail was the girl who brought her the lamp. they did not talk about that day because they had forgotten about it, but they remembered each other from the lunch room. what a small world! how amazing it was that they ended up in the same fourth grade class in a totally different town, that they ended up living down the street from each other again and becoming friends. they were meant to be friends! if only they had discovered this earlier in the school year! maybe their friendship would have been a bit stronger and she would not have suffered so much in class. as it seemed to always be the case for her family, they moved out of that house over the summer and into a different house located in a totally different school district. same town, different elementary school. they moved onto Forrest Trail.
the house they moved into was another rental. it had three levels with four bedrooms and a pool table. she shared a room with one of her sisters, the baby had her own room and the boys had a room on the lowest level. that summer before fifth grade was spent going to the lake almost every day with her mom and siblings. they would pack up tons of snacks and drinks and stay at the lake for hours. The Little Mermaid movie came out and she liked to pretend that she was a mermaid when she flapped around in the water. Brooke came over one time to join her at the lake. they walked down one of the trails and talked about what they wanted to be when they grew up. Brooke said she was going to be a lawyer. she wanted to be a lawyer, too! maybe they would have an office together!
her stepdad and her older brother would spend time going to classes to learn Morris code and worked on getting their certification to be able to use the ham radio. they got their own call sign, and her brother would spend time in the den downstairs talking to people on the radio. her mother worked in the evenings when her stepdad was able to be home. she did not want to work during the day and leave the baby alone with us just yet as she was still very young, but she felt that all she be okay if her stepdad was home. even with her stepdad home, he was not involved with taking care of the children and cooking dinner. these were jobs that she had to do. her mom would leave directions of what to cook and how to cook it. they usually just ate pinto beans and rice, spaghetti, hamburger helper or frozen dinners. they were all very easy to make for a fifth grader. when her mom was gone, her stepdad expected more of her. she did not just clean and watch the kids. she also was expected to give him massages. except, at that time, he had migrated from the public eye of her siblings, to his bedroom. he would complain of having a stomach ache or headache and would want her to come into his room while he was lying down. it was here that he would want her to massage his back and shoulders. she would complain about it, she did not want to give him a massage. she wanted to go babysit! that was better than giving a massage! he would then accuse her of not loving him and wanting him to feel better. he would beg for a certain amount of time to make a compromise. so, she would give in, as if she had a choice, and agree to the ten or twenty minutes of a massage. he would tell her to massage his back, legs, feet, arms, hands, and would even turn around so she could massage his belly, because his belly hurt. sometimes her little brother or sister would hang out in the bedroom, the door might be left open, so that it was not unusual for her to be called in there to give a massage. it had already been going on for several years, so the household was used to it. they were probably happy they were not asked to do it. only she had the wonderful job of being a masseuse at her age.
she wished her mom did not have to work, she wished that she was home all the time. she hated being the babysitter, she hated being the cleaner and the cook, and the masseuse. she was so tired of her life. if she did not have her dad to visit every other weekend, she would have gone crazy. she so needed those breaks away to be a kid. when she went to her dad’s house, even with her new stepmother there, she got to play and have fun. she had no worries, no chores and could relax. sometimes, her dad would get annoyed with them because they seemed to be so lazy. they did not want to rake the leaves or help clean around the house. he did not realize that they did that kind of work all week long. they were far from lazy, they were just taking a break.
Dad
his wife had moved in with him for a little while, but after a few months, they decided that they should move in with her mom. her mom was getting much older and really needed somebody to be at the house. they rented his house out and moved into her mom’s house. the house was actually in a great location. it was close to one of his stores and the lumbar yard. it was located on potential commercial property, right next door to a restaurant. they had a detached garage that he was able to use for his shop. the yard was large and the driveway was long, so plenty of room to get around with his trailor. the house needed some work, all of which he was able to take care of himself with some extra hands. when his children came over to visit, he got them busy painting the ceiling and the walls. they painted the cabinetry in the kitchen and the bathrooms. every room got a fresh coat of paint. it is amazing what a little bit of paint will do to improve the look of a room.they spent evenings playing cards, scrabble or monopoly. he loved to play monopoly. of course he always won. his daughter would get so mad and sometimes even cry because he was merciless! he played so that you could take a loan out from the bank and you could build as many hotels as you could afford. he was quick with the numbers, too. he had five hotels, that would be $10k please! pay off the bank loan and add more hotels! his daughter had a hard time figuring out that she just needed to be a risk taker, spend some money on the hotels up front so she could make some money. she was a bit stubborn, but she was learning.
many nights he spent drinking. he would not start drinking until he had finished work for the day, but he would drink for hours into the night. it made him feel better. it also got him into trouble at times. his wife was not always happy with him when he drank and they would have arguments sometimes. there came a night, when her brother was over, that he made his brother in law so mad that he hit him with a two by four piece of wood. that was a wake up call! she told him the next day that he had to stop drinking or she was going to leave him. he loved her so much. the thought of losing her ,and the reality based on the fact that two wives had already left him due to his drinking, was enough to motivate him to stop cold turkey.
he loved his life with his wife. he was the happiest man on earth. he missed his kids, and worried about them as they were getting older, but he was happy. they just got along so well. she was his lover and his best friend. they spent time with each other. she loved him. she was a doll. if he did not get along with any of his siblings, which seemed to be often since they refused to understand him, she was ready to back him up. she would get so mad that they would treat him so bad. he felt like they always treated him like he was such a problem for them, like he was stupid, just not good enough. his brother always acted like he was so much better than him. it made him so mad. every single one of his siblings had filed bankruptcy, but not him! he had never had to file. he was proud of his hard work and the fact that he was able to be smart and pay his bills, he was not the stupid one!
Daughter
fifth grade started at another new school. the first day proved again that the world is super small. after they took roll call, one of the girls in her class asked her if she had a cousin with the same last name of hers. she confirmed that the boy she asked about was in fact her cousin. well, this girl’s brother was his best friend! turns out, when her mom and dad were married, prior to her birth and her dad’s brain surgery, they used to hang out with her classmate’s parents! they all drifted apart after the brain surgery and the divorce. as they were talking about her family, she started to remember one time when her dad brought her with him to the house of an old friend. that old friend was her classmate’s dad! wow! what a teeny tiny world she lived in! back in the time when the parents used to hang out, her uncle also became friends with her classmate’s parents and that friendship actually stuck, which lead to the boys becoming best friends. knowing that her parents were friends with her uncle, she also felt it deep within her that they would not like her. if her dad thought her uncle was a snob and her cousin was a snob, then this girl and her family might also be snobs. they might have more money and look down on her. she definitely was prettier. when she slept over at her house the one time she was invited, she saw that the girl had her own room and so much stuff! she had everything she could ever want or need. she had new clothes all the time. she had everything. this made her feel very insecure and not good enough. she tried to be good enough, she tried to be tough and act superior when the opportunity arose, but deep down, she knew she was not.
being tough was part of her life at school. she had to act like things did not bother her or the boys would make fun of her. she could not show weakness in any way, or the boys would use whatever they could against you. fifth grade was a huge mix of being friends with one girl one day, and then enemies the next. and they all rotated through the process. one day, you were on top, and the next day you might be on the bottom. after experiencing the fourth grade bashing, she was willing to do and say whatever it took to stay on top. if the lead girl wanted her to spend the night, she spent the night! if the the lead girl wanted to “fool around” in the bedroom, she followed along. the last thing she wanted was the lead girl to hate her. so, if they were going to experiment, then she would do so to some extent.
fifth grade turned out being the worst year of her life. she was required to babysit most days. when she wanted to sign up to join the softball team, she had to find her own ride to practice. if her mom had to go to work early, she was the one pulled from school to watch the little kids. not her older brother! she was. she got so sick and tired of being the nanny, the maid and the cook, she knew what she was not going to do when she was older. she was not going to put her kids threw the same nonsense. she was not going to be poor. she would purposefully miss school days because she only had enough clothes to wear for one week. if she missed a day, then she could spread it out a little so maybe people would not notice that she wore the same things over and over. sometimes, they would run out of food for the lunches, and she would have very little to put in her lunch bag. chips would be wrapped up in plastic wrap or foil, there would be peanut butter but no jelly. other kids had full lunches that their moms made for them, and she would walk in with the lunch she had to make for herself and her siblings. she was miserable and just tired. she swore she would get good grades and never put her children through this same thing. she would be able to provide for her children, and not struggle.
and while all of those things were hard for her, many of those responsibilities were shared with other kids around the world. she was not the only one out there who had to help her family. if the parents were going to work, then the older kids had to do their part. if her older brother had been more helpful, maybe she would not be so mad about it, but he would get to leave and go hang out with his friends after work. he would be gone, and she would be left behind. her only slight respite was when her stepdad would come home from work. but even this proved to be a nightmare all on its own. because if her brother was home and able to keep an eye on the kids, then her stepdad would take advantage of that time to have her come into his room and give him a massage. nobody even questioned it. nobody volunteered either. it was her job, she had been doing it for years. there was nothing out of the ordinary at this point for her to go into his room and the door be shut. and at that time, he had found that he was curious and enjoying his massages so much that he wanted to take it to the next level. his advances were all gradual, but all took some swaying and manipulating. first, he wanted her to sit on his back when massaging, or sit on low on his stomach when massaging his chest. then, he wanted her to not wear pants while doing so because “it bothered him and was uncomfortable”. when she had to massage his legs, he wanted the whole leg massaged, from bottom to top. in order to that, he said he had to take off his underwear. the man she had called dad for ten years wanted her to touch his parts. he would make her touch him by grabbing her hand. he would coax her into doing things she did not feel comfortable doing by claiming she did not love him otherwise. if she told her mom, her mom would get mad and the whole family would break up. did she want that? of course she did not want that.
at some time during that year, she developed a yeast infection for no real reason. she had not started her period yet, she had not had anything done to her yet that was inappropriate. her mom took her to the doctor to get checked out and then some medicine. about a week after she had been taking the medication and all was well, her stepdad used the problem she had as a reason to “check her out”. he wanted to take a look and see that everything was okay. he was not a doctor, her was her “dad” and was concerned. so, she did what he told her to do and took off her bottom clothes, layed on the bed and he looked and touched and gave her the OK.
As the year progressed, she strived to do well in school, to be accepted by the girls in her class, she had a boyfriend for a little while. although, that did not last because she was not allowed to meet him at the movies, and so he moved on to another girl. she joined the softball team because most of the girls in her class were on it, so she hoped that would help with her friendships. she tried to keep in contact with Rhiannon and Brooke. she would write letters to Rhiannon and talk to Brooke on the phone sometimes. she got a diary for Christmas and started to write in it. she had started reading more. that year she read all of the Babysitters Club books. her grandmother passed on some books to her from her home library. she started reading Stephen King, V.C. Andrews, Rosamunde Pilcher, and other various writers. she especially liked the V.C. Andrews books, as she felt she could almost relate to the main characters, with the exception of discovering she was related to a wealthy family.
her older brother got contacts, which completely changed his life. he became “cute” to so many of the girls and he got his first “real” girlfriend. his time was spent more with talking on the phone with her, he was in the school band and he had friends that he could hang out with after school. he would just walk to their houses or ride his bike. she would get so mad and jealous because he got to have fun, ignoring the responsibilities at home and getting away with it. her mom and her stepdad would tell her she could not do stuff because she had to be home to help with the chores and the kids, but he could leave. she became so angry about the whole situation. sometimes, when her mom worked late at night, she would have to get up in the middle of the night to feed her sister. not her stepdad! he had to work the next day! she had school, but that was not as important. she would pick her sister up and take her downstairs to feed her and just sit there, steaming mad and hating her sister, her mom and her stepdad. she knew it was not her sister’s fault, she had to eat! it just was not fair that she had to be the one to get up.
Dad
his mom had a hobby of making ceramics. she had the molds, the mud, the kiln and paint. when his wife got a taste of the enjoyment of this hobby, she decided she wanted to take it on as well. so, they found the perfect tub for the mud, a kiln, and started gradually buying the molds. when his kids came over, they wanted to partake in the activity as well. they spent the whole weekend in the shop, pouring mud into the molds. the next time they came over, they would work on cleaning up the little oranments or statues that they had poured, scraping and sanding down the sides where the two molds had come together. they were not ready to paint anything just yet, they just wanted to play with the molds and pour the mud. they all spent hours in there, working on their creations, singing, talking and laughing. one night was especially funny. his wife wiped some mud on her face on accident when she swiped her hair out of her face. he then mentioned to her that she had mud on her face and touched the area on hr face where the mud was located, and then proceeded to smear it across her face. her eyes widened and she slyly tipped her finger into the mud, as they were standing right next to the tub. she told him thankyou for pointing that out and puckered up for a kiss. as he leaned down to give her a juicy smack on the lips, her arm came up and she smeared paint across his forehead. well, now it was on!! he wrapped his arms around her nice and tight, leaned over and dipped his hand into the mud, and then ran his hand all over her face. she now had a mud face! she wiped her face and then wiped him right back and it was an all out mud war between the two of them! in the background, he could hear his daughter laughing hysterically at them and his son cheering them on. they were all laughing and having a great time! they ended up just outside the door of the garage to the shop, mud all over them. as it was drying, he thought they looked like zombies. the dark mud had turned into a light grey. he started to drag his foot behind him, pointing at the moon, and saying in a zombie voice, “brains!”. they were all laughing, his daughter pouring tears from her eyes. he loved to make her laugh.
that made him think of the other times his family laughed. they actually laughed quite a lot, especially after dinner when they were sitting around the table playing games and cutting up. sometime, he was the one who made everyone laugh. sometimes his son would act out as a preacher named “Brother Ben” and this would get them all in stitches. it felt good to laugh. he needed it.
Daughter
her life in hell continued. her stepfather progressed to masturbation in her presence. he once had her sit on the bathroom sink naked so he could look at her. another time, he actually was brave enough to do it in the same room with the rest of the little children. they were all laying on the floor watching a movie. he made her lay on the couch in front of him, he was laying right behind her, wearing only his robe.he had made her wear a nightgown with no underwear on. this way, he could slide himself between her legs, not enter inside of her, but along the outside between her thighs. she knew he did something into some rolled out toilet paper. her life was going downhill at a rapid speed and she did not know how to slow it down! one night, he wanted to “teach” her how to kiss so she was prepared. and the final time that he ever did anything, was when he forced his finger inside of her stating ” you know you like it!”. she had begged him to stop and told him no, but he grabbed her and held her. he raped her with his finger. her “dad” of eleven years was progressively wanting her to be his play toy. she went to her dad’s that weekend, fuming mad and crazed. she finally had had enough to the point that she was ready to hell her dad. she laid in the bed that night debating and trying to figure out what was the best thing to do. should she tell her dad or not? what was she to do? she had to make it stop or it was going to get worse. he might really rape her one day, make her have real sex and she could not bear the thought of that! she had to do something, but what?! if she told her dad, he would kill that man. that would not be helpful. that weekend, she did not tell her dad. she wrote her in diary what had happened. she wrote what had been going on. she told her diary. maybe somebody would sneak in and read it.
when she got home, she was still very angry and acted very rude toward her stepfather. he stormed off to bed and her mom asked her why she was being such a bitch to him. she “always” acted liked this when she came from her dad’s for the weekend. she yelled out, “if you want to know, go read my diary!!”. so, her mom went up to her room and read her diary. she waited a few minutes before walking upstairs into her room, but when she did walk in, her mom looked up at her and asked if it was all true. she nodded her head, tears in her eyes. it was all true. what eleven year comes up with this? her mom stormed out of the room,carrying her diary, storms across the hall into her own bedroom where her stepdad was located, in the bed, threw the diary at him and screamed at him, “is this true?!”. he read the pages and denied any of it being true. her mother continued yelling at him. why would her daughter write something like this?! she creeped into the bedroom and say down on the floor at the far corner of the room, hugging a pillow, with daggers in her eyes, just daring him to keep denying. she yelled out to him, “you know it is true! just admit it!”. he finally said it was true, and that he was very sorry. this all lead to hours of yelling, crying, yelling some more for the rest of the night. one of the boys came to check on things, and he was sent back to his room. she fell asleep on the floor while they were discussing, her mother trying to figure out what to do with the situation. he swore it would never happen again. he begged for her forgiveness. she could not take it, she walked sleepily into her bedroom and tried to go into a deep sleep. she was so glad it was over. she was so glad that he swore it would never happen again. no more massages. no more anything. it was over. her mom believed her, he admitted to the truth, and it was all over. now, she could rest easy.
the next day, she did not go to school. her mom stayed home with her. her mom came to a quick decision that she would not be going back to work at all. she would be home for her children. she would not leave her husband. he came home halfway through the day to ask her for her forgiveness. her mom wanted her to forgive her stepdad so they could move forward and move on. forgive and forget. she would forgive, but she would never forget. and she would never trust him. the sight of him disgusted her. she was thrilled that her mom would always be around now, but wondered if staying with him was the right thing to do. her mom could not deal with the thought of moving into her parents’ house with five kids. how would she be able to support five children on her own? she needed him, especially to help raise their children. her mom burned the pages of her diary. the pages that told it all, that, if found, would cause havoc. she was told to never tell anyone what had happened. she was to speak to no one. she was to keep all of what had happened to herself. he promised to never touch her again, and she would keep the secret.
that summer, they went on vacation in Florida again. they did not have any reservations, so they drove around until the found a hotel with a vacancy. it was a hotel called Treasure Island. she met a girl there named Arlene. Arlene was from Ireland and she had the greatest accent. it was absolutely amazing to meet a kid her age that got to travel around the world. she hardly gave people from other countries a thought until she met this girl. they agreed to write each other after then both went back to their homes. unfortunately, she did not realize that she needed more than one stamp. when her letter was returned, she thought it was because the address was wrong. years later, she would rediscover the returned letter and realize that it was due to insufficient funds to cover the cost of the delivery. they never did write to each other, but she still had her returned letter!
her stepfather attempted to make up for what had happened, to try to make amends. her mother pushed her to help him do so. he wanted to keep her home from school one day so he could treat her to a day at Six Flags. none of the other kids would be coming along, just the two of them. a “daddy daughter date”! she was totally uncomfortable with the idea, but her mother made her feel bad for holding a grudge and not giving him a chance. so, she reluctantly went with him for the day. he borrowed mustang from his dealership and first took her shopping. he picked out a black and white polka dotted shirt that tied at the belly to show off her stomach and a pair of short black shorts. then they went to six flags. she did not feel like she was on a date with her dad. she felt like she was on a date with an older guy and wished like hell that she was in school and not with him. why did her mom think that this would be okay? he did not want to make amends. she felt like he wanted to look like a guy with a young woman on his arm, even though she was far from being a young woman. that is how he made her feel with the clothes. she did not feel pretty or like a little girl, she felt sleazy and dirty.
one other “attempt” he made to smooth things over with her, according to him and her mother, was a camping trip. he thought it would be great for them to go camping together. they would have their own cot to sleep on so she would feel comfortable going. her mom thought it was a great idea and encouraged the daughter daddy bonding time. there was no way that she would ever bond with this man ever again in that way. she would never look at him as her dad, she would always see him for what he was, a sleazeball. but, what was important to her was to see her mom happy and their marriage solid. so, if she needed to do this to help them with their marriage, to help keep everyone together, then that is what she would do. she went camping, and what she feared would happen, happened. he put her in an awkward situation and she had no way to get out of it. he asked for a massage. an innocent massage, he said. just a back rub. she shook her head, she said no, her body trembling, and he begged her. he said it would be fine, that he would not do anything. she stuck to her guns, she refused. he then got mad and turned over to go to sleep. he was mad at her, but she did not care. he could be mad all he wanted. she knew the truth, she held the secret in the palm of her hands, and he knew it. the only reason he had not gone to jail is because she had agreed to keep the secret to herself and not tell her dad or anybody else. he could be mad all he wanted, but now, she was the strong one. she had the power!
Dad
his little girl was growing up, getting older. she stopped playing with her toys and read more than ever. he thought it would be fun to build another house for her to play in. she jumped on the idea of having her own little house outside next to the above ground pool. they would make it a two story with a front porch. she helped him design the house and start putting in the foundation. they worked on the framing, siding, and roofing all in one weekend. she had enough room on the second floor to put in a twin mattress to sleep on if she wanted. they build the front porch with steps and put an old chair out on the porch. they were pretty proud of that house. it served as a storage for his pool materials, too. she played quite a bit out there at first, but as each twelve day period passed she spent less and less time playing outside in the playhouse. sometimes, she would go out there with a book to read, but other than that, she eventually stopped going out there altogether. kids never play with their new stuff for long. the pool, however never really lost its appeal. especially not for him. he liked to go under water and see how long he could hold his breath. he would always breathe in and out really fast for a minute to hyper ventilate and that would help him hold his breath even longer. he would challenge his son and daughter, but neither could hold it as long as him! he had a great idea. he thought that he could use his shop vac to blow air into the pool, so when he went under water he would be able to breathe the outgoing air from the shopvac! he tried it out, and it did work a little, but not enough to allow him to stay under for too long.
his wife liked to shop at places like Michaels and Marshalls. one day, the four of them walked into Michaels to look around. his wife liked to shop and buy more paint and molds for the ceramics. they passed by some small doll house kits. his daughter perked up and got really excited about the miniature houses and the miniature furniture and items in the house. apparently, she like shrunken life-like objects. he decided to buy the cheapest kit they had, since she was interested in working on it. they took the kit home and started working on building the house. they spent hours that weekend, trying to decipher the instructions and figure out what parts were supposed to be attached to what. they did not finish the project that weekend, but did finish it on her next visit. that kit was more complicate than the pool house that they built! when the project was finished and she had her very own doll house, she never really played with the dollhouse. she just wanted to look at it and add little pieces of furniture to it. he designed a small rocking house and bed for her to put in the house. she saved her money and bought the old toilet that had the string to pull from above the toilet, like the one seen on his favorite movie, The Godfather. his daughter loved that movie, too. they watched it so many times, he lost count. it was a classic!
his son had a year left before he was going to be getting his learner’s license. he wanted to use every opportunity he had to be a part of teaching him how to drive. when his son asked him if he could drive the truck around the property, he said yes. he taught him to back up and use the mirrors. he was always telling them to use the mirrors, change lanes slowly, check your blind spots and not to look at the headlights of oncoming traffic when it is dark outside. when he drove them home to their mom’s house, they would take turns sitting in the middle of the truck next to him and he would let them steer the truck all the way home. they learned to use the turn signals, turn at lights and change lanes. they were doing this before they were old enough to drive, but he was in control of the vehicle and the wheel the whole time. he had few days in the year to teach them whatever he could, so he had to make the most of what little time he had.
Daughter
Amazingly, she got to start middle school with the same classmates she had in fifth grade. none of her friends were in her classes, but she did get to see them in the hallways. she made new friends with kids from other elementary schools that they merged with in middle school. sixth grade was a breath of fresh air. she had a new boyfriend every other week. it was crazy how fast people started “going out” and then were broken up in the blink of an eye. her friends and she got into writing each other letters when they were in class and passing them to each other in the halls. the letters said very little, just “what’s up?” letters and claiming each other as best friends. before school started, she got her hair permed again. this time, she got the spiral curl, but did not get her bangs permed. she wanted them straight so she could curl them herself, one lower flip down and the upper flip out. she would put moose in her hair to tame the curls and lots of hairspray to keep the bangs in place. her grandmother took her clothes shopping and she was so proud to have a pair of white Guess jeans. she wore them on her first day of school. she thought about her old friend, Wendy, and hoped to not have the same experience. she had not started her period yet, but it could come any time!
not all the boys were nice, a couple from her fifth grade class in particular were especially unkind to her. when she went to her homeq class, they were in there as well. her ex boyfriend, a boy she had ‘dated’ before but he broke up with her because she was not allowed to go to the movies, was in that class. they had been boyfriend and girlfriend over the summer, but he broke up with her the week before school started. he saw her hair and made a comment to the other boys that it looked like she had dried sperm in her hair. she was so embarrassed and felt do dirty! her hair was crunchy from the moose and he related it to dried sperm! they boys laughed in her face. she tried to act like it did not bother her, but they had no idea how horrible that comment made her feel. she knew all too well what sperm was and where it came from, and these boys were making jokes not having any clue as to just how deep it crushed her spirits and her self esteem. they made jokes about it every day they saw her in class. she thought she was going to die! how in the world was she going to be able to deal with that?! she had to continue to act like it meant nothing to her, that they were just a bunch of stupid boys, but it hurt so bad.
while the boys were being mean, she was striving to maintain the friendships that everyone started off with in the beginning of school. the beginning was full of so much energy. everyone was excited about middle school, changing classes, having lockers, and making new friends. everyone was friends with everyone. as the months progressed, people started clicking with their own people more, and by the time Christmas would come around she was slowly finding herself not clicking with anybody. before that happened, though, the girls had several sleepovers. she had one of her own for her twelfth birthday party. the Braves were working on winning the World Series, so her mom was home and watching the game. she had several of the girls over to sleep over, and they had a dance party in the downstairs den. her youngest sister got passed around to dance with, she was a few months away from turning two, and was the cutest little baby. she loved the attention. her other little sister was also dancing in the mix of the girls. she had long blond hair and loved Minnie Mouse and makeup. she had her dad’s video camera, so they made home videos of the dance party, the girls sitting around watching a little baseball, and the most funny part of the evening when they all decided to wear their underwear on the outside of their clothes and then run around outside. they had a blast! she thought that she finally found some friends.
in sixth grade, the school hosted a dance for the kids. she had had a boyfriend for about three days when it was time to go to the dance. many of the kids danced with each other, mostly slow dances, and she was a little nervous about it. when it came time, they awkwardly joined up, his arms around her waist, her arms on his shoulders. she was not sure where to look exactly. did she look at him? did she look around? it was all a little strange. they were “dating” but they had not talked much to each other, maybe a little on the phone. after the dance, many of the kids gathered outside and around the building. somebody had dared them to kiss, and now they all wanted to watch them do it. all of a sudden, their kiss is going to be on display. this is what the kids were doing, though. everyone’s first kiss was witnessed by many. it was a stepping stone to maturity and required eye witnesses. so, she walked out with the boy and they stood there, surrounded by their classmates, and he kissed her. not just a little peck! that would not qualify. there had to be some french action in order for it to qualify. it was quick, it was harmless, it was over and the crowd cheered!
she missed her friend, Brooke. she would talk to her on the phone occasionally and hear about how great school was going for her. the other girls from fourth grade, the ones who would cling to Brooke and not want to share, still acted the same even after all this time. she was no threat, but for some reason they treated her like she was. Brooke never seemed to care, though. she would still chat with her. One day, after school, she gave Brooke a call to see how things were going. Brooke answered the phone and they talked for a couple of minutes, but then she had to let her go. she said her friend had just pulled up with her parents. they were on the way to dinner to celebrate the friend’s mom’s birthday. they said goodbye! Brooke was a good friend.
the next morning, she went to school as normal. she saw a fight starting in the bathroom and she took off. she was not getting involved in that! a little while later, when she was in reading class, she was called up from the intercom to come to the counselor’s office. all she could think of was the fight in the bathroom. she had nothing to do with it, but somehow she was getting called up to be questioned. she just knew it! when she walked into the counselor’s office, she saw her mom sitting there with her little sisters. that was odd. her mom never came to her school. ever. she never came for parent teacher meetings, she never came to her school for anything. why was her mom sitting there? was it something about her stepdad? the secret is out? the counselor told her to sit down, and her mom sat down next to her. her mom started talking to her. she started to tell her about there being an accident, and Brooke was in it. she was in the back of a car, heading south on the highway. the axle and wheel from a truck came off the truck that was traveling north on the highway, crossed over the median and came in the back windshield of the car. it crushed her and killed her. Brooke was gone! The girl with the water fountain pony tail! the girl who was her friend no matter what! they were going to be lawyers together some day! she was gone! she sat there in shock. you can tell a person that somebody is dead, but it does not always register in the brain right away, especially when you have never known anyone to die. death is such an odd concept. one minute, the person is living, breathing, talking and the next moment it all comes to a halt. the blood stops flowing, the body stops moving and making sounds. one day you can talk to them on the phone, and the next day you can’t. she started to cry, a little bit, but she just was not sure that she could really understand it. she heard it, but she did not grasp it. she could not wrap her mind around it. she then remembered hearing on the morning announcements that a sixth grader from another middle school had died in a car accident the night before, but she did not think that that had anything to do with her. it did. it had everything to do with her. she had just talked to her on the phone, and now, she realized, it was just moments before she was gone. other than the people in the car and maybe saying goodbye to her parents, she was one of the last people that spoke to her before she left this world.
she went home with her mom for the remainder of the day. the next day they had the visitation. the place was packed with people from school and their community, people who knew her. she was loved by so many! it was amazing to see so many people come to her visitation and her funeral. she saw some of the kids she knew from when she went to school with them. they were all crying. she just stood there, not able to cry in front of all of these people, but broken inside. why would such a lovely person be taken so soon? as it turns out, the friend who had picked her up was feeling so much of the blame. they had just switched seats in the back. if they had not switched seats Brooke would still be alive. everyone else in the car had survived. they all felt a little blame, if they had left a few minutes earlier or a few minutes later…. if she had not switched places…. none of those what ifs mattered, though. she was gone and there was no way to change the situation.
that Christmas break, her world changed. she started her period and became a woman. a couple months later, her parents developed some very old rolls of film. her step grandfather had passed away from liver cancer, and they were looking for photos. two people that she knew had died in less than a year of each other! she loved her step-grandfather, and seeing him get sick and slowly wilter away was very hard. his death was so much slower than her friend’s. when they came home from getting the film developed, they had tons of photos to sort through. there were pictures from the vacations they took to Florida, and in the midst of all the photos, they found pictures from her costume party she had in the first grade when she turned seven. and there, in those photos, was the beautiful friend of hers, the girl with the water fountain pony tail, with her thick,brown bangs and cute nose that scrunched up when she laughed. the picture was of her with an apple in her mouth that she had just picked up out of the tub of water. her dear friend Brooke was the girl who brought her the koala bear lamp. the lamp she cherished. she was the Brooke she named her pound puppy after, the Brooked she dreamed about sometimes. Brooke was an angel who came into her life right before her nightmare of foot massages began, and she left once the massages ended. she was her guardian for the time that she was needed, and then she was gone.
they traveled to Tennessee for her step-grandfather’s funeral. he was from there and he was to buried in a plot that was already purchased. he was a veteran, and so he had a veteran’s funeral. they folded up the flag and handed it to his wife. that was interesting, watching how much care they took to fold the flag perfectly so it ended up in the shape of a triangle. on their way home from the funeral, her parents decided that they would spend a couple of nights in Gatlinburg. she had never been there, and when they pulled up to the town, she was very excited to see all the lights from the different stores. they had arcades and candy shops! it was like being in Florida, except it was much colder and in the winter anyway. that first evening, they walked around for hours, looking at shops and playing games. at one point, she had to go to the bathroom so bad. they kept walking and walking and doing things, but nobody wanted to help her find a bathroom. was she invisible?! she had to pee!! she held it and held it for as long as she could, but she finally reached the breaking point, and could no longer hold it in. she was standing in an arcade, playing pinball, and felt the warmth travel down her leg. it was cold outside, too. she had to walk around the rest of the evening with wet, cold pants. her mom gave her her long trenchcoat to wear to cover her up. she was so embarrassed and mad!!
other than the peeing in her pants experience, the stop in Gatlinburg was actually pretty fun, even though the circumstances that brought them up there was sad. her stepdad’s aunt also stayed in Gatlinburg with them, with her new boyfriend. they were going to get married. she always liked hanging out with her aunt. she was always inviting her out. one time, she invited her to come work with her at the veterinary clinic back when they lived in the yellow house. the kennel smelled like oranges due to the cleaning materials they used, and she would forever correlate that with the smell of animals. the mix of orange with wet dog, pee and feces just did not go well with each other. after working with her at the kennel, they went to mcdonalds and ordered an ice cream. there was another time that her aunt took her up to the town they lived in after the yellow house, the small town that had nothing to offer as entertainment other than the dollar theater. people would cruise up and down in front of the shopping center where the theater was located. when the drove up to cruise around, they brought water guns. they would then shoot other drivers (mostly other men) that were also cruising around. she always had so much fun with her aunt!
when Halloween had come around, her aunt and her aunt’s boyfriend offered to take her two brothers and her to a haunted house. that was a great plan! she had to one before with her dad and thought they were hilarious. haunted houses did not scare her. she loved watching scary movies and was not easily frightened. her aunt, however, did not like haunted houses, but for some reason thought it would be a great idea to drink up on the way to the one they were going to. by the time they got there, she was well on her way to being completely plastered, but the kids did not realize just how drunk she was until they made it about five minutes into the house and immediately had to make their way out the exit. her aunt was crying and freaking out. it was a real disappointment to have to leave the haunted house so soon, especially after standing in line for what felt like hours! on their way home, her aunt got sick in the car. it was worse smelling than the orange kennel!! she felt so mad at her aunt. her aunt was so drunk, she did not realize that the kids were in the car, she acted like she could not even see. she reached in the back and hit her little brother for no reason. the next morning, her future uncle was cleaning out the car and offered to take them home. she just could not believe that her aunt would do that, would be so selfish. she ruined the whole evening.
Dad
he was always helping his mom whenever he could. if she needed help with her rentals, painting or repairs, he would be there for her. it was the least he could do. his sister would help, too, at times. she would need some work, so his mom would find some ways to help her out. he was actually really proud of his sister. she was the first and only of his siblings to finish college. granted, it was an art degree, and he was not really sure what she was going to do with an art degree. she was creative, a pretty good painter and crafty, and worked at selling her products. making a living as an artist was not an easy thing to do, so she needed work, and his mom helped when she could. not every sibling got along with each other. he did not have a great relationship with his brother. his oldest sister lived out of state and stayed pretty much out of everyone’s business. the other two sisters seemed to fight all the time. sometimes he got along with his sisters, sometimes he did not. it just depended on the day and how everyone felt. one day, his mom needed some help with one of her rental properties. the house needed to be painted among other various tasks. his sister and his brother joined him in helping out their mom. his brother had started going to church and thought that everyone should know about his religion. he and his sister were going back and forth about it, one acting like they knew better than the other. next thing he knows, they are fighting and his brother reaches out and slaps his sister across the face! whoa! that is enough!! he gets down off the ladder to keep this from escalating. his sister is screaming at his brother and crying! his brother made some statement about being the head of this family, and he has the right to do whatever he wants. that was the end of that. his brother and his wife left, his sister left, and he was left there to finish up the work for the day. he could not believe that his brother hit their sister! and he thought he had the right to do so! she refused to talk to their brother or see him after that at any family gathering. his brother refused to apologize to her, because he continued to believe that he was right. he would not apologize and she would not forgive. after that day, they would never have a relationship with each other. they both were going to be that stubborn and that prideful. that pride would slowly spread out and affect the whole family. they used to get together for the holidays. all the kids would come to his mom’s house with all the grandkids and they would all celebrate together. maybe they were a little fake because they rarely actually talked about real stuff and they did not spend much time together outside of the holidays, but at least they met up. at least they all came together and made their mom happy for a moment. after that slap, those get togethers would become thinned out. if his sister was going to be there, his brother would not. if his brother was going to be there, his sister would not.
at home, he enjoyed buying cars and boats, fixing them up and selling them. he finally had enough money to buy his own camper and his own catamaran! he hitched up the boat and took his kids to Florida so they could go out on the water. he loved to be on the water, and he loved working the sail on the boat. he felt like a man when he was on the water. it reminded him of the trips he took them down the Chattahoochee on the raft. he needed to take them up to the real rapids.and that is just what he did. they four of them spent a weekend driving up to north carolina to go down the natahala river. this was very different from the Chattahoochee, they actually needed to have a guide on the raft to help tell them which way to go in order to avoid getting stuck out on the rocks. they were told to tuck the feet at a certain time or the boat could flip them out of the boat when they went down one of the falls. he was so proud of his son and daughter. they rowed hard and followed directions! they did not get tossed out of the boat, but there was a father and son that did. they did not follow directions and when they fell out, the guide had to throw the rope out to them to pull them back in the boat. bunch of idiots.
he loved that trip so much, he decided that a trip to west virginia was next! he booked it for him and his wife. they met up with his cousin and his wife. he usually is not in to spending money, but this time he paid for the rafting company to video their trip down the river. man, it was a great trip! they had so much fun! the rapids were incredible! he could not wait to show his son and daughter! he knew he just had to bring them up sometime. his daughter was little bit jealous when she heard they had gone without her. he promised he would take her up another summer when she was older.
Daughter
the last half of her sixth grade year was very hard to get through. she had few to no friends left. she was not sure why she had such a hard time making and keeping friends. she assumed it was because she was ugly with her sperm hair and the fact that she wore the same clothes. if she ever wore anything different from when school started, it was something she pulled out of her mom’s closet. when school started, she did get the expensive sixty dollar jeans, but she left the mall with her grandmother with only five outfits. those five outfits had to last her all year. when christmas came around, instead of asking for more clothes, she asked for a leather jacket, a pink ice ring and she picked out some makeup and perfume. by that time, she knew who Santa was and she got to go shopping with her mom. she did not want to shop in Kmart for clothes. she did not like their clothes and would not be caught dead wearing them. her dad refused to take her anywhere else to shop, so she ended up with less clothes to wear because she was super picky about where to shop. she was afraid she would be found out at school and they would find something else to make fun of. so, she had few clothes to pick from, which meant she still was maxing out on the number of days she could miss school. her mom had sweaters that she would wear sometimes, that were clearly to big for her to wear, but they were better in her mind than shopping at Kmart. her step-grandmother was big into making shirts with sequin designs on it for each holiday, so she had one or two sweatshirts with the christmas designs on it to wear as well. she was not the most stylish girl in school, but at least she could spread out what she had to wear.
all she really wanted was to fit in with the popular girls and be liked. she always strived to make friends with those girls and just assumed that they were her people. they were part of the group that she was supposed to be a part of. she never even considered any other group as they were the lesser group. she was not in band or sport or clubs, so she did not have anything in common with any other group. she was failing to do so and she was certain it had everything to do with the fact that she had nothing. as the year progressed, she felt more and more insecure and unliked. nobody really picked on her other than the boys, but nobody was really being her friend either. when she sat at the lunch table, she did not have anybody calling her over to sit with them. did she smell? the thought never even occurred to her. her busmate and neighbor, a boy who lived down the street and was in high school, had made a comment earlier in the year about how he always made sure that he brushed his teeth before he left for school so that his breath did not smell bad. she took that information and started brushing her teeth everyday. she showered every day. she did not think she smelled bad. it had to be her face, her hair, her clothes, maybe even her smile. she did get glasses that year, too, but she only wore those in class to see the board.
maybe it was the fact that they figured out she wore her mom’s clothes. she was in the gifted social studies class and they were going on a field trip to see museum to see the christmas tree displays that were brought in from all over the world. there were spectacular displays of ginger bread houses as well. the teacher informed them that they should dress up for the occasion. she had nothing to wear. they did not go to church anymore so she had no reason to own a dress. she did not like dresses anymore anyway, they made her feel dirty. she raided her mom’s closet and pulled out a dark green pant suit. it was wide around the waist, but with a belt, she could wear it. it was also a little long, but she wore brown boots with it. she wore that outfit on the field trip and thought she would be okay. there was another girl wearing a pantsuit, so maybe she looked alright. when they were standing in line, one of the girls looked her up and down and said, “are you wearing your mom’s clothes!?”. she responded with a firm NO, but not a convincing no. was she supposed to explain she had nothing to wear? that would make it look like they were poor and could not afford to buy her clothes! the last thing she wanted was for people to realize that she was poor! she knew that that mattered. she remembered the popular girl in fourth grade that everyone liked, the same girl that switched places with her friend in the car. there was talk about how she had thirty pairs of jeans, she had a new outfit every day and she was beautiful. everyone liked her. if she was discovered to be poor, she would lose any potential to have a friend. the girl started talking about how her she and her mom went shopping together for her outfit. they had so much fun, getting their nails done, too. that must be fun, she thought, going clothes shopping with her mom on a whim. how fun it must be to do girl stuff with her mom and have the money to just spend on clothes and nails. she could not even imagine it ever happening for her. the one day of shopping, on Christmas Eve, was the only day of the year that she got to spend just with her mom, to go shopping. they would get up early and go for breakfast. then they would take off for the mall and for Kmart to see what they could find for the family for Christmas. she enjoyed that time with her mom, but wished there were more opportunities like that.
her step-grandmother moved in shortly after her step-grandfather died. the garage became packed with their lifelong possessions. her step-aunt moved in shortly after that due to her and her husband separating. she had never quit drinking, even after she gave birth to their son. when she moved in, the baby moved in with her. the house now had ten people living in it. they used the den for their living space. it saddened her to see her aunt and uncle not still be together. he was a nice guy, but she was intolerable when she was drunk. she had been so proud when they got married because she actually got to assist with asking them the questions and giving them the vows to recite. the only thing she could not do was pronounce them man and wife. it was all very unconventional and was performed at the courthouse. her assistance was not planned, she just asked if she could do it when they were all there, and her aunt said yes! why not?! after her cousin was born, she was asked to babysit a few months later so they could go out to a Garth Brooks concert. they offered to pay her, so she jumped on the opportunity. she never got paid to babysit at home. she never got paid for any of the work she did at home. her dad paid her an allowance of a couple of bucks whenever they went over to his house for the weekend, but that was usually spent by the end of the weekend. she and her brother would walk over to the gas station and buy candy. if her dad forgot to give them their allowance, she knew where to find money. he had a drawer that he dumped all of his change it. he probably had over a hundred dollars worth of change, so she would just go there when he was working in the shop and grab a few dollars of quarters. she never felt bad about that either. he always said he did not have money when she asked about getting braces or clothes. he never had money, but yet, here was drawer full of it. so, yes, she agreed to babysit for money. when she went to their apartment, she was blown away by how dirty it was. she knew that she should not be surprised, she had seen her aunt’s bedroom before, as well as her car. she was not a clean person. while they were gone to the concert, she got busy with cleaning the dishes in the kitchen, sweeping and mopping the floor. she just could not stand to be in the house in the state that it was in. she almost did not want to sit down on a chair or couch due to the filth. she had to clean somebody else’s house before she could feel comfortable! it really was disgusting. when they got home, they both had been drinking, so they told her she could just sleep over and they would take her home the next morning. So now, her aunt lived with them. she was fine with it, she just was sad for them, for her cousin. not long after their move into the house, her aunt was arrested and put in jail for a dui. it was not her first one, and this one put her in jail for a long time. they were now in charge of taking care of her cousin.
the house was too small for all of them. her parents started looking for a house to buy. his mom was going to help with the downpayment and they would all live together still, just in a bigger house. they found a new home being built in a new neighborhood. the house was a one story on a full basement. they got to choose the flooring, hardwoods in the livingroom, and a burgundy color for the carpet. they were all very excited to move into a brand new house. she was especially excited about getting her own room! the basement would be partially finished with three bedrooms and a full bathroom. one room was for her step-grandmother, the other two rooms would be for each of her two brothers. her dad came up to help with the two bedrooms, showing them how to frame the walls and install drywall. they painted and layed the carpet all on their own with his help. the bedroom and bathroom had been finished by the builder. she had the bedroom at the front of the house that had windows that were about ten feet high and she had a steeple ceiling. her grandmother had taken her shopping for new bedding and she was the happiest girl on the planet the summer before her seventh grade year.
she was going to be starting at a new middle school, but she would know many of the kids there from her fourth grade year. she would go back to school with the mean girls. maybe they would not be mean anymore, after all, they did not have Brooke to cling on. that summer was so much fun and she felt like a kid again for the first time in a long time. she would go down the street and meet up with all the other kids in the neighborhood, a few that would be in her same grade, and they would play kickball, video games and they made a trail in the woods that lead to a creek far in the woods. every day they would meet in the backyard of a grumpy neighbor and work to clear the path to the creek. by the time they reached the creek, the summer had come to an end, it was time for school to start.
Dad
he liked working with his hands. he got inspired to start making his own outdoor furniture when he passed by some patio furniture at one of his stores. they were made out of plastic, but he knew he could make the same thing out of wood. he could also build his own table if he wanted. he set to it. he drew out his plans for an octagon picnic table with built in benches. when he finished, he was so proud! he could make whatever he set his mind to! where there is a will, there is a way! the next piece he decided to make was the lawn chair. it was very similar to some chairs his mom had in her front yard many years before. they took more work, but he had a final product that was worth selling! what could he do next? he decided to make some indoor furniture. he made a desk for himself and two bookshelves, one for each of his kids. he was so proud of what he built. he would give the bookshelves to them for Chistmas.
his children were getting older, not little kids anymore. his son had a girlfriend and preferred staying home on his weekends so he could see her. it really upset him. he barely had enough time with them as it was, but now, his son had even less time that he wanted to spend with his dad. his daughter always read books when she was visiting. she had a little attitude all the time, too. he did not understand why she was always full of attitude and stuck with her nose in the book. it was getting harder and harder to find ways to do meaningful things and get them off their butt. maybe in the summer, he would take them on a trip up north.
one thing he could do was help her out with her softball practice. when it was his turn to have her and she needed to go to a game, he drove her all they way back to her town so she could play the game with her team. he would help her practice with her throws and catches. they also seemed to liked tennis, so he started taking them to the tennis court so he could teach them how to play. his daughter would get so mad when she could not beat him. it was hilarious how mad she would get, almost to the point of tears!!
he busied himself in his work. if he was not working on building doghouses or mailboxes, he was working in the yard or on the house. there were always improvements that could be made. they lived in an old house that had originally been built in the late 1800’s. his mother-in-law had owned the house for decades, and her late husband had built additions on to the house. he loved his mother-in-law. she was the sweetest lady on the planet. he always made sure to come in during lunch and his breaks throughout the day to check in on her. she did not move around too much, so he usually found her in the kitchen, living room or her bedroom taking a nap. sometimes, his wife would put curls in her thin hair to give it more volume. he loved her so much and would do anything for her. one way he showed his love and appreciation was through the work on the house and the yard. he replaced windows in the back addition, replaced carpet at one point, the whole roof needed replacement (he did that), outdoor paint, interior paint, etc… the only thing he could not do was plumbing. not all plumbing anyway. one thing he loved about her most, she never rolled her eyes at him. she never got impatient with him. she did not judge him, and make him feel like he was stupid. he so appreciated that in her. she was always smiling with her sparkling eyes, and he would just give her a huge hug. she was a good woman.
they never locked the doors to their cars or house. he was never worried about anyone breaking in, even when they lived two doors down from a gas station and one door down from a restaurant. he had never locked doors and never had a problem until one night he woke up to the bright lights from a flashlight in his face. he and his wife always slept naked, it was in the middle of the night, and behind that flashlight was uniformed police officer staring him down. the officer asked him if he lived in this place. well, duh. he and his wife had clearly been sleeping, peacefully, in a bed that was in a bedroom, located in what was clearly a house and not a restaurant. they made them get out of bed to question them. the police had received a call that a security alarm had gone off at the restaurant, which was next door, but they had gone to the wrong address. he was so mad that they just barged into his house like that, flashing their lights in his face, waking them up. he told them he would see them in court! he was not afraid to go to court! he had won many cases against people who wronged him, people who did not pay what they owed him. these guys would see him in court. he later learned you cannot sue the city police, not when they were doing their job? so, since he could not sue them, he decided to at least get the story out there in the paper! the city would know what happened! it was such a good story to share, it made on the front page!
Daughter
Seventh grade started at her new middle school. this was a place for new beginnings. some people remembered her, but she still was new to most. a couple of the boys from her neighborhood were in her classes, one turned out to be a little bit nerdy and the other turned out to fit in with the sports kids. none of them hung out at school together. they had nothing in common at school. and so, they stopped hanging out in the neighborhood, too. everyone except her next door neighbors. they still hung out most of the time. she liked to come over and hang out with her little brother, not so much with her. her neighbor’s older brother would come over to visit, too, but mostly to chat with her mom and smoke cigarettes.
she strived to make friends with girls in her class. the girl who was in the car with Brooke was in her enrichment class. she was very sweet to her and even invited her to spend the night. she accepted the invite! she was very curious and happy to have made friends with this girl. when she spent the night, she saw the bedroom with its shelves that held many, many pairs of jeans. the talk was true because her grandmother owned a clothing store. her mom was nice, and they did talk a little about the car accident and how they all missed Brooke. it was a nice visit, and the only one that she would ever have there. the girl was sweet, and always would be, but they did not click.
she had one arch enemy at this school. it started in fourth grade. there was a girl, who was never in any of her classes and did not even know her, who hated her for no apparent reason. she ruled the school. she was very pretty with the perfect hair, nails, teeth and clothes, a girl that she envied. everyone liked her, the boys loved her and for some reason this girl just did not like her.
she realized one day, that her troubles had a lot to do with the fact that they moved all the time. she had changed schools so many times, that she never could get settled in and find her people, find her true lifelong friends. these kids had grown up together, been in classes together ever since kindergarten. she was an outsider. she did not go to church or participate in extracurriculars. she was not in a club. she had nothing in common with any of the kids she went to school with. her parents were not social, her mom had no friends. her brother had started working at was one most of the time to work or hanging out with his girlfriend or friends. he was not interested in hanging out and most of the time he skipped visits with her to their dad’s house. her seventh grade trip to the rock eagle camp was pure torture. everyone had friends to pair up with. when it was time to find a partner to row the canoe with, she ended up with the camp counselor because nobody wanted to be her partner. she hated life, she hated herself and she was starting to hate the people around her. she was absolutely miserable and no idea of how to pull out of it. what did she do to become so unlikeable? no matter how hard she tried, she lost any and all potential friends. one girl, who she thought was going to be her best friend, decided that they were “too much alike” to be able to hang out. what did that even mean? if you were alike, wouldnt that be a great reason to hang out?!
when summer finally came, she was so relieved. she discovered something about herself in the last week of school. it was a time that they finally got to relax a little and for some reason, she just let loose. she stopped being so careful with how she presented herself, and decided to get a little goofy. it was due to her time in language arts. they had spent several months reading the book of Robinhood, which was her favorite story, she loved the movie with Kevin Costner in it and the Bryan Adams song, and her teacher would take them out into the forest so they could design their own camps and pretend/act out some of the scenes from the story. it was so much fun and she enjoyed being able to pretend that she was somebody else with her classmates. that last week, she acted a little goofy with one of the girls in her class, and they had fun laughing at themselves. she realized that she needed to lighten up a little, be more of herself and not so serious at school all of the time.
Dad
his son had a car and a job now that he was sixteen and he thought he was big. he thought he was mature and could just do whatever he wanted. he did not want to come visit anymore so he could work. that was fine with him, he was glad that his son was working. the only problem is that he worked at Taco Bell, and they did not close until one in the morning. his son would not get home until late in the night, and he stopped going to school. he was ditching school, making bad grades. that was not okay with him! why was his exwife letting this go on? who was this girlfriend that he had to spend all his time with? he did not like what was happening and he especially hated that he was so far away. an hour drive was not going to keep him away, but it definitely put him at a disadvantage. he started to have suspicions that his son was doing drugs. if the restaurant closed at one, why was he getting home so late? he had to be doing drugs! he was going to find out! he drove up to the house late at night, and parked the car down the street from the house to wait and see what time his son came home. he would wait all night! his son did not pull in until three in the morning! no teenager should be out that late! he was certain his son was into drugs. he called his exwife up the next day and told her what he thought. he was so mad that his son was out of control. she was not so certain and when she brought it up with their son, he denied being involved. of course he did, he was a teenager! his son got so mad at him for waiting outside the house that night, he told his sister. now both of them were mad at him for getting into his son’s business. well, they could be mad all they wanted, but he was not going to just sit back and watch his son’s life be destroyed without saying something, without doing something! all he wanted was to see his kids graduate high school. he wanted to live at least that long! and now, what a disappointment that his son did not want to go to school. he needed to get his ex on board, and her husband. they needed to work together to get their son in line. the biggest thing was the girlfriend, she was just a bad influence. she was not going to school either. they were ditching school so they could be together. his ex and her husband agreed and set some rules for him. the girlfriend was crazy, and they were always breaking up and getting back together. they told him he had to stop seeing her. she was a bad influence. he was grounded, he could only go to school and work. his son needed those rules. he needed somebody to help him separate from his girlfriend. she was not good for him in any way.
that seemed to work for a while. his son wrecked his car. he had a nice little red car, but totaled it. he was able to help him out by getting his mom to give him her old car. it was not the nicest car anymore, it was old, but it did the job. it got him from point A to point B. he was happy that he could help his son out. even with all the trouble, he was his kid and his kid needed help. if he could do be of help to either of kids, then he wanted to be able to do so.
aside from the drama with his children, he was experiencing some of his own at home. not really drama, just the same health issues he has dealt with for years. it really bugs him that people look at him like he is stupid when the tells them to give numbers slowly, or to show him things on his left side. he always has to explain that he is blind on the right side. he has to explain that he had brain surgery and he had to learn all his words all over again when he was twenty-two years old. he does not hear and process numbers clearly when they say it really fast. he was so fed up, he changed his voicemail on his answering machine to let the person know to leave the number slowly. S L O W L Y. dont just say it really fast, you have to pause between each number. it was so frustrating. he needed to be able to call people back when the wanted to order dog houses from him or mailboxes. he needed to be able to write the number down.
his seizures were such a hindrance to life. it wasn’t even just the seizure itself, it was the medication he had to take for it. it was either not enough and he would have a seizure, or it was too much and he would feel weird and his body would itch all over because it dried his skin out. he totaled his truck one day, because he had a seizure when he was driving. the truck went off the road and barely missed a pool in a person’s yard. he got so lucky he did never hit anybody or injured himself badly. another time he wrecked his truck was not due to a seizure. it was because he could not see on his right side. he ran right into a cement wall that divided the expressway from an exit he was getting off on . came out of that with barely a scratch. he should not have been driving, ever. not with being half blind and prone to seizures. whenever he took the vision test at the DMV, he would just find a way to cheat, to turn his head slightly so he could see when the light blinked on his right. they had no idea. he did not feel bad. he had to do what he had to do, and he did it his way. if he was going to work, he was going to drive.
Daughter
the summer before eighth grade was a changing point for her. she found that she liked hanging out with her brother and her brother’s friends more. sometimes they would actually be hanging out at the house, which gave her an opportunity to hang out, too. they did not always welcome her presence, as she was younger and a “good girl” and so they did not trust her to be around with tattling on them. little did she know, her brother was smoking other things than cigarettes. she knew he smoked cigarettes because her parents knew. that was frowned upon but not forbidden. the only thing she knew was forbidden for her brother was the pyscho girlfriend. and she was okay with that. when he had the girlfriend, he was hardly ever around and was always a jerk. now that they were broken up, he was around more and was not so mean to her.
her dad wanted to take a trip up north to show her where he used to live, stop and visit some cousins and then spend a few days at the family cabin. the cabin was out in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by birch trees with a creek running along the back of the cabin. it was a long drive up, they had a couple of short visits with her favorite cousin and her dad’s favorite cousins and then they headed to the cabin. she was not in the best mood around her dad and stepmom. she read a lot and really just wanted to enjoy the peacefulness of the being out in the middle of the forest. her dad thought she hated being there, but she actually loved it. she love taking walks in the woods along the deer paths and sitting outside, watching the water flow down the creek. when they took a little canoe down the creek, she loved looking around at all of the scenery. what she did not love was being there with her dad and her stepmom. she was not happy with them. she was not a happy person overall and just felt tired all of the time. she just wanted to read and be in peace. she needed that trip, but was not going to tell her dad that. she did not want to give him the satisfaction of being right or taking credit. she knew that he would hold it against her somehow. the real truth, she did not like losing to him at card games, and when she did lose, he would laugh and jest because he was so happy that he won and it would just make her mad. mix that with the teenager hormones, and she just came across as one grumpy, ungrateful, unhappy kid.
that summer, her parents bought a pontoon boat and a conversion van to pull it. both were brand new and all possible due to her stepfather getting a raise into a management position at the car dealership. he was making a decent amount of money, so they figured it was a good time to buy something new, something that required payments. she was happy about the boat. they got to drive it out on the lake and spent many summer days out there, being pulled on the knee board or the tube. it reminded her of years before when they would go out on her grandmother’s boat. there was one time that she had to go to the bathroom and her dad threw her overboard into the water and told her to pee in the water! she was probably only three or four years old and never done anything like that before. it was a very strange feeling to freely urinate in the water.
she gained a little bit of weight that summer, too. not too much, just a little bit. every day for lunch she either had a microwave personal pizza, two hotdogs, or a corned beef sandwich. she would lay around watching music videos on MTV, back when MTV actually had music videos to watch. she had always been a little skinny “string bean”, and now she was capable of adding on weight! she had to be careful not to be eating that bad food like she had all summer!
her aunt had gotten out of jail and the halfway home that they made her live in and had moved in with them.she no longer had her own room. they moved her aunt and cousin into one of the boy’s room in the basement, her younger brother’s, and he got to move upstairs and take over her bedroom. she then had to move into the other bedroom upstairs with her two little sisters. there were three girls in one bedroom! they were excited that big sister was moving in, but she was not. she had no privacy and had to put up with all of their noise. one of her sister’s could not go to sleep without the television on which drove her crazy because she liked it to be pitch black to go to sleep. her sister won the argument wiht the help of their mother, though.
eighth grade started for her like any other year. this time, she was not so eager, though, to make friends with the popular girls. she was over all of that, she just wanted to have some friends, but this time she would see what happens. she worked more at being herself, speaking up in class and offering her answers and opinions. there was one girl that she became friends with, Autumn. she was in several of her classes. there was one girl in her science class that got on her nerves. she was super energetic and happy, almost bubbly. she did not like her right away because she acted too happy. maybe she felt a little jealous, because who could be that happy? all she knew is that the girl had to have something wrong with her, maybe she was a little special.
she got a side job with her stepgrandmother. the job was a movie repair shop. a fat toad owned the company. he hired people to cut the tapes at the beginning of the vhs movie and replace it with clean tape so when the movie is first played, it first of all works and doesnt look messed up anymore. he would then resell them to video stores. what he needed her to do was sort out the boxes to the movies in alphabetical order and place them on shelves. it was easy work and she made eight dollars an hour doing it, cash! she liked her job, she liked making money finally! her boss told her to see if she could find a couple of her friends to come work, too, since there was a lot to get done in a short amount of time. she went to school wondering who she would ask. she knew she would ask Autumn. she brought up the job in her science class to Autumn and the energetic girl piped in and said she would do it! her name was Jessica. okay, so she would see how that goes. Autumn could not do it, her parents would not let her, but another boy in their class said that he would be able to do it as well. the three of them met up on that Saturday morning and got to work. they actually had a lot of fun. Jessica was not so bad! turns out, it is actually kind of fun hanging out with a nice, energetic person! jessica spent the night with her that night since they got in so late. her mom had made her favorite chili, and they sat in the kitchen that evening eating and talking. she had a friend! a real friend. it had taken years, but she finally met somebody who did not judge her, her liked her for just the way she was. by the next weekend, she was “dating” the boy. they all met up to work again that weekend. she received her second kiss that evening, outside of the building where they worked. her boyfriend and her friend smoked, so they were outside for their smoke break. he inhaled the cigarette, exhaled and then bent over to kiss her with smoke still in his mouth! he did not know it, it was not done on purpose, but she responded automatically with cough and a shove. yuck! and gave him a face! dude, finish exhaling before you reach over to kiss somebody!
her boss was a total creep. he was fat and had warts all over his face. he sat behind a desk and would just smoke and eat and tell people what to do. when they were finished with the sorting of the movie boxes, he gave her odd jobs to do around the building, cleaning and organizing. she did not like that part so much because she was no longer in the closet with all of the boxes, but instead was out in the same room as he was and she could feel his eyes on her, watching her every move. the job did not last long, and she was fine due to his constant staring, but sad to no longer be making money. her relationship with the boy lasted only two weeks and then he started dating a girl that he would later get married to. apparently those two were a perfect match all the way back in eighth grade.
she was okay, at least she got a boyfriend for a minute. that made her feel a little bit better about herself. she was always boy crazy, loved a different guy every week and wrote about them in her journals. sometimes she would like more than one boy at a time, few to none liked her back.they were friendly, and she would talk to them, but she had to be careful. one of the guys she had liked ended up dating her enemy. one of her friends saw her talking to him in gym class and she sent one of her body guards to come threaten to beat her up at one of their afternoon breaks in the courtyard. the girl got right up in her face and yelled at her, threatened to beat her up if she did not stop flirting with the guy. it is amazing what happens when somebody is in your personal space threatening to do harm to you. your heart starts to speed up and your body starts to shake, it is like it is getting prepared for some sort of immediate action. this would be the closest to “flight or fight” that she had ever faced. quickly she analyzed her ability to fight this girl and win. the girl was taller and meaner than she was, so she probably would not win that fight, although she had had some experience with her brother in the past. all of which she lost. she was good at making him mad, she knew just which button to push and he would take off chasing her through the house. but, they never really had any physical fights. she was not sure how well she would handle that. so, when the girl was in her face, she was pretty scared of what was about to happen. was she going to get killed? this girl looked mean enough to kill her. she swore she was not flirting with the boy, they were just talking about school stuff, no big deal. the girl backed off, thank, God! after that, she kept her distance from the boy, which made gym class boring. her friend Autumn apparently was no threat and was allowed to talk to him, so they would chat away, and she had to act like she was staring at a wall. it was a great day when the two finally broke up, at least she could have some conversations with her friends again.
the girl who lived next door was also in her grade, but she liked to hang out with her little brother. they would play stuff outside, boy stuff, that she had no interest in. she actually thought the girl was a boy the first day she saw her. she looked out the window to see who was hanging out with her brother and saw kid with a short hair cut, like a boy’s, and wearing cargo shorts and a polo shirt. she thought it was a boy, but she was a girl! a pretty girl, too, with little dimples that showed when she smiled. they became pretty good friends, along with her older brother. one day he mentioned to her that his sister had some older guy in the neighborhood that liked her and he was trying to figure out who it might be. she had no clue and she had no suspicions of anyone at that time. the thought of her stepdad did not even cross her mind. she had never seen him around her much to question that it could be him. months passed on and she forgot all about it. they would come over and visit almost every day. sometimes they all fought like a bunch of brothers and sisters, but overall, they continued to hang out. whenever Autumn and Jessica came over, her neighbors usually would show up, too. Jessica actually fell for her older brother. and when he found out, he was totally open to “dating”. it became apparent that in order to hang out with her brother, she had to be cool. she decided that she was going to learn how to smoke, like Jessica and her brother. she would learn how to smoke so she could learn how to inhale and then be able to smoke other things properly.
her brother picked both of the girls up and took them out with a couple of other buddies of his. she told her brother what her plan was, so he gave her a cigarette. they told her how to inhale it and she took her first puff at age fourteen. she actually was not very good at it. she never truly inhaled the smoke until months later, but she thought she had it, and still got a buzz from that first cigarette regardless. after that day, she was welcome to be around her brother when other activities were going on. she was accepted into the crowd because she was no longer a risk of telling on anyone. almost overnight, she became a smoking, cussing lover of snoop doggy dog music. she was over trying to fit in. she found her people, she had her friends and her brother back. she was all set. the potential for real trouble was now in play. in fact, when Christmas came around, the three of them got into a little bit of trouble. they were out shopping for their family members. they had spent some time at the mall and had headed over to walmart to finish up. her brother thought that it would be okay to put a bottle of perfume that they would give to their aunt in his coat pocket. there was an undercover security guard standing nearby who witnessed what he did. he did not say anything until they stepped out the front door. as soon as the stepped out, they were all escorted to the security officer’s office. they waited for their parents to show up, Jessica was crying hysterically. they did not press charges, by the grace of God, but they had every right to.
while the second half of eighth grade was a time of change for her, becoming her own person and standing strong, not letting the fact that she just was not going to fit in with the cheerleaders get to her anymore, the second half was filled with lots of activities that should have got her into a lot of trouble had she ever been caught. when her mom found out that she was smoking cigarettes, that did not get her in trouble. what could she say? she smoked, her stepdad smoked, her dad smoked and her brother smoked. her brother did not get into trouble, so why should she? her mom agreed to buy her cigarettes because she did not want her to steal them. as if she would do such a thing. there were plenty of people in her house who smoked, she did not have to steal them from a store, she would just take one of theirs. or is that what her mom meant? her mom did not want her to steal the cigarette from her or from the store?
so, jessica’s and her brother’s relationship was short lived. mostly due to the fact that he was still seeing the psycho girlfriend in secret. it all came out into light because they thought that his girlfriend was pregnant. when they told the girlfriend’s mom, the girlfriend got kicked out of the house. yes, he was kind of leading Jessica on, but it was all a ruse really. because the girlfriend had been kicked out and was potentially pregnant with what could be their first grandchild, her mom and stepdad let the girlfriend move in. she actually slept in the bed with her! they were going to have a baby but they were not allowed to sleep in the same bed together! that was the first time she had a chance to really get to know the girlfriend that her brother had been in love with for the past two or three years. she turned out to be a pretty nice girl, but then, they were also being especially nice to each other. fortunately, she ended up not pregnant and was allowed to move back into her mother’s house. because he had lied about the whole relationship, and now that they were not pregnant, he was again told that he was not to have a relationship with that girl! he got into a huge fight with their parents and left, taking his stuff to move in with his girlfriend. so, now he was gone. her only friend in the house was gone! she was so mad at her parents for being so crazy about everything. why did they think they could just dictate who they could date? it just was not right. they told her she was not allowed to see him, she was not allowed to hang out with him at any time. he was a bad influence. he did give her the cigarette after all. if only they had known what else! when his birthday came around, she refused to not see her brother on his birthday. she kept everything very hush, hush. she asked if she could sleep over at Jessica’s. this was not abnormal. they pretty much spent every weekend together. what else are you going to do anyway? she was either at Jessica’s, or Jessica was at her house. this time, it would be Jessica’s because she was an only child to a single mother who worked late. Jessica’s mom would not care where they went, especially if they said they would be with her brother. she also did not worry about her own parents. not once had they ever called to check up on her. they trusted her. they trusted that she would be where she said she would be because she was a good kid. she made excellent grade and never got into trouble.
that night, her brother came by to pick them up so they could celebrate his birthday. his girlfriend was in the front seat. her brother said he had a surprise for her. they opened the back seat and there was a guy there that she had met some other time, and he was there to see her again. he was nineteen years old. he had just gotten out of jail for armed robbery and he was a little bit like a white snoop in her mind. she was definitely happy to see her surprise. they hopped in the car and took off to meet up with another friend of her brother’s at his workplace, one of the grocery stores in town. Jessica had decided before they left that she did not want to partake in any illegal substances while they were out, so she had decided to drink a tall glass of vodka before they left. she downed the vodka. by they time they reached the grocery story parking lot, she was super wasted. when they pulled up, they saw her neighbor, the boy next door, with a buddy of his. jessica decided that she wanted to leave with them instead of hang with her. probably had something to do with the fact that she liked the boy next door, and some to do with the fact that she just did not want to hang out at her ex’s girlfriend’s house? a mixture of the two, certainly. they both got back to her house late that night, sometime into the wee hours and fell asleep. what happened next could not possibly have been predicted.
the boy next door knew who she had been hanging out with and was not happy about it. he was probably more worried about her hanging out with a convicted felon. probably was not a good idea to be doing so, especially since he was much older than her. so, when her little brother came over to visit their neighbor, he told him where his sister had been. her little brother came waltzing into the living room where she was sitting with her mom and stepdad and he said,” i know something you guys dont know. I know where she was last night” and then informed that that she had been out with her older brother and with the convicted felon! the world stopped turning. after getting yelled at and grounded for a month, she snuck on the phone to tell the guy what had happened. he and her brother then started a huge fight with their neighbor. they were all going to meet up that evening at Taco Bell with all their friends and beat each other up! she was freaking out! her parents found out and they were all freaking out. the took off to stop the whole thing. they even took the phone off the hook and with them so she could not call and warn them. she just paced and cried and paced some more, wondering what was happening, who was getting cut, did anyone go to jail? what was happening?! when her parents finally came home, they told her that they kids all scattered when they saw their car pull up and the police pulled up shortly after that. no fight, but she was definitely grounded for at least a month. she was not allowed to talk to anyone or see anyone.
during that month, her mom had to have an emergency hysterectomy. she took that time, while nobody was around to catch her, to sneak out of the house and meet up with the white snoop. he picked her up around midnight and took her off to a dark place so they could hang out. he brought pot and wanted to full around. she was not totally interested in doing as much fooling around as he was. he picked her up two nights with the same goal in mind, and when he realized that she was not going to help him achieve that goal,he stopped coming by. he stopped talking to her after a few days. he had moved on to the next fourteen year old that would pay attention to a convict. that girl knew about her, too. she even dared to make a mention of their two visits together, to try to make fun of her for being a virgin. it was actually kind of sad that the girl thought it was worth bringing up. she was not going to have sex with a guy she hardly knew, especially not for her first time ever. she did have some pride after all. that girl must have been jealous or worried that she was a threat. she could have the guy if she was willing to give him what he wanted.
the last week of school finally came around. they were finished with Middle school and moving on to High school. her lovely science teacher thought she needed to be bumped up in science and take the harder science, which meant she got to take Biology with tenth graders while the rest of her grade would be taking physical science. she did not know why he did that. she made good grades but she had not shown any interest in science. if anything, she made a joke about it and teased her teacher a little. maybe he thought that was her showing an interest.
the end of school brought the last few days of a activities outdoors. their classes were broken up into teams and they had the usual field day games to play to try to win against the other teams. she had some cheerleaders on her team that she no longer cared for. she considered them as a bunch of snobs and she pretty much just hated them. at some point during the very hot day, she felt like she was dying of thirst. one of the cheerleader came walking up to join their team holding a full glass of cold water. she asked the girl for a sip and was turned down. she made some snarky comment about the girl being a jerk and the girl responded to her, “what happened to you? you used to be so nice”. she responded that she was done putting up with crap from people like her. and she was done, but the girl’s question hit a nerve. first of all, people used to think that she was nice? she did not think people thought about her at all. and second, was she supposed to be a nice person to the only person walking around with a cup of water and refusing to share when it was hot as hell outside? why were they outside with nothing to keep them all hydrated in the first place?!
at the end of the last day of school, she got picked up by her mom. they were heading straight to the campground. her parents had bought a ten person camper, brand new, and they were going to try it out for the first time that week! everyone was super excited. no more sleeping in tents! when they arrived, her mom had already set everything up, so they were ready to relax a little. she then remembered that she had left her purse at school! now, normally she would not care, but that particular morning she had decided to take the risk to have two things in her purse she was not supposed to have in there, a lighter and a roach. they called her stepdad who was still at work to see if he could go by the school to pick it up on his way to the campsite. somebody at school at it in their office waiting to be picked up. she was so worried and just waited and waited. when he finally arrive, there was no indication that he knew anything, no mention of anyone raiding her purse. nothing found! crisis averted! to celebrate not getting caught, she shared what was left of the roach with an old friend from her last school who was camping at the same place.
that summer, her favorite cousin, the daughter of her dad’s oldest sister, flew down to spend two weeks with her at her mom’s house! she was so thrilled that they got to spend all that time together. they were both older and had some things in common. her brother was around again and his crew of friends. every day they were hanging out, taking walks around the neighborhood ,to smoke so her sisters and little brother would not find out she smoked, and up to the gas station to find an adult who was willing to buy them cigarettes. there was always a willing person. they would sing “waterfalls” and other various songs that had recently come out. they snuck out in the middle of the night, just to go sit on the curb and smoke. sometimes, they stayed up all night and would wait until the sun come up so they could walk across the street to swim in the neighborhood pool. her mom came outside, calling their names, and they just greeted her from the pool. it was hilarious to them. they would sleep until noon and spend the afternoons finding places to walk to get out of the house. when her brother was there with his friends, they would hang out with them in his bedroom or they would all go walking to find vacant homes that were under construction so they could smoke in there. there was a new guy that had joined her brother’s band of friends. he was tall, tan, had long brown hair and road a motorcycle. he thought he was pretty cool and acted liked it. he came around mostly to see her cousin. her cousin was fourteen and looked twenty-four. she was absolutely beautiful and funny. they liked each other and so he came around most of the days she was in town. her cousin liked him a lot, but she did not. she thought he was rude and a jerk. she might have been a little jealous because he drew attention away from her cousin, but really, he was just cocky. she could not stand his attitude. she liked the way he looked, but she did not like him. her mom liked the way he looked, too, and was always happy with the guys came over. she would just chat away with the boys, and they would tell her all their troubles. she was a good listener and very good at being empathetic. she also did not go calling their parents to tell them what she knew, so she was trusted.
when it was a day or two before it was time for her cousin to fly back, they were both very sad to part. her aunt offered to pay for her round trip ticket so she could come up with her cousin and stay for two weeks. hot dog!! she was going to fly in a plane for the first time ever! she could not believe she was getting on a plane!! she had dreamed of flying and traveling all over the world, and this flight was going to be the catalyst to it all. ever since she met the girl in Ireland, she knew she wanted to get out and see the world. her uncle, her mom’s oldest brother, had moved to Malaysia for proctor and gamble to oversee the opening and running of a factory. they had been exchanging letters over the last couple of years and just thought it was incredibly cool that her uncle got paid to live in another country. she wanted to do something like that. she wanted to be able to experience another culture. the world was so big. she was so inspired by her uncle. she knew that hard work in school was the way, and that always came first. even with her extracurricular activities, she worked hard at her school work first. it always took priority.
her time at her cousin’s house was spend each day looking to find something to do.they would meet up with her friends in the area and they would all ask each other what they should do that day. most of the time the answer was to get drunk. there was a guy that was with the group that was over twenty years old and kind of looked like Jesus. he would buy the beer and they they would find somewhere to go. she did not like to drink beer, she preferred other methods due to having seen what happens to her dad when he gets drunk. she did not want to become addicted. one of the nights they went to a party and there was only alcohol to choose from to start. she decided to go ahead and try some cheap, sweet wine. later into the night, somebody showed up with something to smoke, so she got some of that as well. the night got later and later and she was getting tired. she decided to pile up on a bunkbed that was in one of the rooms. there were a couple of other people already passed out. she just wanted to lay down for a minute. one of her cousin’s friends was chilling out there as well. he was a nice guy, a little nerdy, but nice and she was not worried about the kid when she laid down next to him. she fell asleep for a minute but seemed to quickly wake up to this kid running his hands up the inside off leg! she had shorts on, so he did not really touch anything that she was aware of, but who the heck did that kid think he was! he was taking advantage of somebody who was asleep! her cousin walked up and said it was time to go. she jumped out of the bed and hit the kid, yelling at him, “I was asleep you idiot!”. oh, he did not know.
her aunt took them up to Traverse city for a weekend getaway. this town was small and quaint. they rented a house that was on the lake. it was the middle of July, and when they decided to sign up to go knee boarding out on the lake, you would have thought it was January, the water was so cold. she had never felt water that cold, ever. usually, when it was summertime, the lakes warmed up. apparently, this lake was so large, so Great, that it did not ever warm up. she finished her time on the kneeboard and refused to ever go in the water again. she should have known. every evening of her time way of north was cold and required wearing a jacket. it was the middle of July, and she needed to wear long sleeves in the evening!
she came back home sounding like a Yankee. what does a Yankee sound like? they have long, twangy A’s and sound nasaly. nobody appreciated the accent she came back with, so she worked quickly to tone it down. it was quite comical to her.