August 18, 2002
I think that SW absolutely can not stand the thought that I am going to a different church this morning. I think she might even be struggling with it. That is so weird. It shouldn’t be like that. But, she may be fine, too. I am going to the Roswell Northeastern Christian church this morning and my stomach churns. This is so scary, but I have to do this or I will never know and I will never be happy.
Yesterday was really awesome. We finally got down the Ocoee river at 5pm. The last rapid was really cool because you could sit on the front of the boat and “ride the bull”. RD sat behind me as I “rode the bull” to keep me from falling off the raft. It was really cool. Then after we left, RD and I ate at McD’s and looked at the stars. That was interesting.
1st Christian Church of Roswell Sunday service
August 20, 2002
Yes, I had a QT yesterday, just not a very great one. I try to have it before Ben gets here, but yesterday I had 624 email messages and I spent my 1st hour erasing those. My bad. It was okay. I studied sexual immorality. Ironically, at Safepath, Melody was there and she is pregnant. It was cool because we talked about everything and there was a girl there, Mandy Williams. I was able to share my life and my faith with her. Lyn talked to me as well yesterday. She thinks I am deceived. Maybe I am, but maybe she is. Who knows but God? JH was on the phone with her mom this morning and she was crying. I don’t know what is going on but I will find out when I get off work.
August 21, 2002
Elizabeth called last night and she wants to talk tonight at midweek, but I will not be there. I guess I will talk to her sometime soon, but I do not want to right now. I don’t really see a point in talking at all.
Anyway, RD and I went to Jennifer and Troy’s and had dinner with them. That was so much fun I am so glad that we did that because they are really a great couple. I am going to BSF with Jennifer on the 10th of Sept. I feel like this is what I am supposed to do.
Read John 5:44, Isa 57:11-13, 1 cor 2:15
“the spiritual man makes judgements about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man’s judgement”
August 23, 2002
I just read a lot yesterday and chose not to write, I guess. 1 Cor is what I am focusing on right now because Paul talks about judging and it absolutely confuses the heck out of me. Oh! And I read an interesting scripture in 1 Cor 1:25 “Even when God is foolish, he is wiser than everyone else, and even when God is weak, he is stronger that everyone else” (CEV)
“For the foolishness of God is wiser than man’s wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than man’s strength” (NIV)
Vs 27 “But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong” (NIV)
Vs 30-31 “You are God’s children. He sent Christ Jesus to save us and make us wise, acceptable and holy. So if you want to brag, do what the Scriptures say and brag about the Lord” (CEV)
1 Cor 2:10b “The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God…We have not received the Spirit of the World but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words…the spiritual man makes judgements about all things, but he himself is not subject to any man’s judgement… but we have the mind of Christ “ (NIV)
August 24, 2002
Last night RD and I had a great talk about our affection and we are both going to study stuff out this morning and talk about what we found and make a plan for our relationship without being too legalistic about things. Things have just bothered my conscience and I just want to make sure that doesn’t happen.
2 Cor 12:21= impurity, sensuality (excessive devotion to sensual pleasure; devotedness to gratification of bodily appetites; desire for sensual pleasure; physical rather than spiritual or intellectual; worldly; suggesting sexuality), sexual sin, sexual vice, eagerness for lustful pleasure, lasciviousness (exciting sexual desires, indulgence); voluptuous (arising from or contributing to the satisfaction of sensuous or sensual desires)
Ephe 5:3= hint of any kind of impurity
Col 3:5= which is idolatry
1 Tim 5:2
August 25, 2002
School starts again tomorrow! I am so ready to be done. Part of me looks forward to classes, but then parts of me don’t. Oh well. RD and I hung out with Charles, MS and Thomas last night. That was some good times and I am definitely glad that I was able to share with them what I feel and what I think. I also thought it was pretty clear that RD and I agree with each other but our issues are somewhat different from each other. I am still studying out impurity.
Col 3:5= in NKJV; coretousness ( Hebrew=hamad, “desire”; besa= dishonest gain; Greek= pleoneksia “the wish to have more” greed
Unclean
Passion
Sensuality (Greek= aselgeia, that which excites disgust) unbridled lust, licentiousness, lasciviousness, wantonness, included in lost of evil products named by Jesus (Mark 7:22) and in with drunkenness and carousing (1 Pet 4:3) and “deeds of the flesh” such as immorality and impurity (2 Cor 12:21, Gal 5:19, Eph 4:19)
August 26, 2002
House church was great. We read in John 5 and 6 about the Lord’s supper. It was quite nice and quite good. I enjoyed hanging out with Jack and Kay with Luis and RD. This Sunday I am going to to go church where Jennifer and Troy go and see how I like that. This morning, I am going to go over Ephesians, Galatians, Colossians, and Philippians because I haven’t yet and I am getting together with MC tomorrow.
August 27, 2002
LO and I talked on Sunday night. She told me she was worried that I would become all dependent on RD and start getting my security from him. I do not want to do that and I hope that does not happen. Last night I was bothered by something. He was out skiing with a girl and a guy. But I can’t tell you their names because RD seemed to make a point in not saying their names. That upsets my stomach because I feel like he is trying to hide something even if there is nothing to hide. What else is he going to do and try to hide it from me? He just does not seem real to me with his life. After 1 ½ years, I just do not feel like I am included in much of his life. Does that sound like I am depending on him or that I am getting my security from him? Maybe.
! Cor 3:5-9; I am grateful for those who planted the seed in me and watered. But it is God who has made me grow and who will always make me grow. MC and Alison and the others are not anything but servants who have one purpose, it is God that makes things grow that matters. If you build on your foundation of Jesus Christ, regardless of how it survives under fire, you still will be saved, but only as one escaping the flames (vs 11, 14-15). So as long as I build on Jesus Christ then I have a solid foundation and that is all that matters to me.
August 29, 2002
I had a short QT yesterday because I woke up late. I studied out “fellowship” because I have never looked that up and I decided to do so. It is quite interesting but definition is consistent until you get to the Bible. They they have different meanings according to what context it is in. In Acts 2, fellowship means ordinances which are the rules and regulations made up by that organization- the laws. That is really interesting. So the 1st century church had laws. Well of course it did, it is how they used those laws that is so important. And do we know that? A little. In class, the Middle Ages was considered the dark ages because there wasn’t much advancement in knowledge. So if this is true then here is 1 John 1:5-6
“this is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: god is light (knowledge of ?); in him there is no darkness at all (lack of knowledge). If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth”. Scary.
Why? Because to lie is to break a commandment. This makes me want to be even more urgent to have knowledge and truth! If I claim to have fellowship with God, a friendship with God, but I do not know him, I do not do everything possible to know all that I can about him, I walk in darkness, then I lie and I do not live by the truth- I do not live by the Bible. How can I claim to have a friendship with God if I am not deeply studying it out?
Okay, I told LO about Doug Arthur last night in a cheerful voice ( I guess) because I was cheerful, and I just told her. I didn’t know that she was going to be emotionally attached. I don’t know why he left so this isn’t a “let me tell you the dirt about your church” thing. So she interrupts my time right now to tell me how she felt last night and gives me Heb 3:13, Matt 18:6, 1 Cor 10:23 and Rom 14:13. Now how did I know that this would be a stumbling block to her or cause her to sin? All she said is that it was not encouraging to her because of the way I said it especially coming from me since I am figuring things out right now. Is she the one with weak faith? What in the heck is the deal with that?